Kosher?

You know how they say bad luck comes in threes? Yah know? Right? Well, first I bought some yarn that looks really pretty when it is in a skein.


But looks like dogshit when knitted up. I haven't knitted it up, but I did a Ravelry search and saw some of the projects and well, wow. Just wow.

Second, I knit a hat. An Unoriginal Hat which fits so queerly, that I look like a yard gnome. In fact, I honestly cannot look at either the hat or this picture and not laugh out loud.


Third, I bought some yarn. Some newly released yarn according to the LYS owner. I asked if anyone complained of knots or breaks and she said oh no. Not that. In fact the only problem she had heard of, and it was on the internet, not from one of her customers, was that the tail of the yarn is sometimes woven into the skein, hard to get out, and can tangle.


Are you kidding me? This thing ate up my swift like a fat kid eats cake. RIDICULOUS.

So that is three right? Right? Let it be known that I am cordially requesting that we all agree that this is my three so that my knitting can return to normal.

Holy Cowl

So in, literally, two days I whipped up a cow that I had seen at Stitches East. I left that typo there because it amused me. I knit a cow. Wahahaha. Okay, not really funny anymore. Moving on. Or not. I did say Stitches East which means last October, which means a finished object from last year is being blogged this year. I should be embarrassed but I still have a few finished objects from TWO years ago that I have not blogged so let us ignore that and really move on. I knit up a cowl. It was quick and I love it. Almost.


I love that it was a super duper quick knit. I love that the color is neutral but doesn't get washed out in my amazing complexion despite my fabulous lighting in that there photo above. I love that it covers the quadruple chins (that I acquired AFTER giving birth to Juliet, WRONG). And really, I could stop there. Hides multiple chins? WIN.



It also can double as a stole on a toddler and even a pre-schooler (which says VERY BAD THINGS about the aforementioned quadruple chins). And, for the record, the pre-schooler there, that is her "model pose" which I guess means she has a head ache from being overworked?

I also really liked the pattern. It was easy to follow and well written. I did have a few cables that gaped at the ends. I am not sure what I did to cause this. But I went back and tightened them up with extra yarn when I weaved in my ends because I am anal and crazy and was worried that The Fashion Police would beat me with last year's it bag should it see those gaping holy bits. Twas no big deal.


The only thing I am not totally in love with? The yarn. I double stranded some baby alpaca and some woolly cashmere, which is beyond heavenly soft but ... but it sheds. A lot. I have lint rolled the thing. Repeatedly. I have given it a superduper bath which sadly sucked out some of the body but not enough of the superfluous fluff so when I wear it I tend to sneeze. Or cry. Depending on whether the fluff goes up my nose or in my eyes. And since I have to pull it over my face to get it on, that fluff is going somewhere I don't want it to go. I am kind of hoping that it will defluff itself eventually. But I realize that this likely be a pipe dream. All that being said, even with the fluff, I like this cowl lots and have been wearing it. Tearfully.


Yarn: Frontier Fiber Mill, 100% Suri Alpaca, Regalia, 2 skeins with Filatura Di Crosa, Nobile, Color 15, Lot 0010, 3 skeins
Needles: Addi Circs, size 6 mm (US 10)
Pattern: Burberry Inspired Cowl
Time: 2 days
Care: Hand wash in cold. Dry flat.

Happy New Year!

So sometimes when New Year's Day rolls around, I have an overwhelming urge to purge my house of all things Christmas related. This year the urge to purge struck which is why, at nine a.m., with a minor alcohol-induced headache, Jillian and I were removing the ornaments from Tom Cruise. It would have been even earlier but I also had an urge to wax my brows and 'stache (TMI? Perhaps). A great activity to do when you were one with the blender and Kahlua mere hours before. Anyhow, back to the urge to purge Christmas gobbledygook, and taking the decorations down and off of Tom Cruise Tree ... Now I know Jillian is two and a half and not the most delicate flower, but even accounting for her toddler toughness, I have to say, I think Tom was MIGHTY PISSED to be loosing his ornamentation.



Holy friggen needles Batman - and this is only one pile! Tom lost, maybe, fifty needles before today. And those fifty needles, they started dropping AFTER Christmas. Tom had some longevity. He also had a drinking problem as he was consuming ninety-six ounces of water EVERY DAY for TWO AND A HALF weeks. SERIOUSLY? I assume all of that water was what kept him beneedled? In any event, he dropped a few as he aged. Up 'til today when he full on revolted and went from full and beautiful to Charlie Brownesque.

Tom's revenge on his early departure did not end with his massive shed, oh no, it ended on when he sent me careening down my yard on my ass in a bra-less, wife beater, legging and flip-flop wearing state. Yes. That's right. We were taking Tom out to the side of the garage and I thought it would be no big thing so I didn't actually dress accordingly (accordingly to being seen by other humans, like say my neighbors, as I slid past them on my ass). I had on no makeup, in fact, my face probably had that red puffy look of the freshly waxed, my hair was held up with two different hair things, I did not have on a bra, but I did have on a tight white wife beater tank top. With leggings. And flip flops. And after I dropped Tom Cruise on his balding butt, he pushed me, and I slipped on the snow onto my butt, which, in a sign that maybe I need to lay off the cookies acted like a SLED and launched me down the yard along the side of my driveway. Boobs were flopping and GODDAMMITS were flying. Happy New Year's indeed!