Thursday, October 30, 2008


LB is sick which means she isn't sleeping through the night. Which means I am not sleeping through the night. This was doable as a co-ed. As a parent, it BLOWS. Yesterday morning I loaded up my toothbrush with face soap. Normally this would be a "that sucks, need more sleep" type if thing. I'd wash off my toothbrush and start over. Which was what I did. Except it sucks extra-hardcore since I now have to traverse to New Friggen York City to buy may face soap, a face soap sold in drugstores ... Damn you Connecticut! And damn you Bubbles too! How dare you introduce me to an awesome drugstore type of face soap that is reasonably priced and works wicked well on my overly-acne-prone skin. That's right. Get me good and hooked on a totally normal mainstream product and then BAM quit selling it in my state. SERENITY NOW! Oops, I digress.

So, sick kid, not sleeping through the night for four birthcontrol-inducing nights, doctor's appointment, diagnosis: respiratory virus and ear infection, prescription: amoxicillin and "taking it easy for a day or two." Which brings me to my point ...

Taking it easy, baby style:
Go to bed at 7:00 p.m. Cuddle down in soft footy pajamas, with soothing sound of vaporizer gurgling like a creek in the background and the refreshing, snot-clearing smell of menthol wafting through the air.

Taking it easy, parent style:
After putting baby to sleep, grab glass of wine and collapse on couch. Realize shirt stuck to upper chest with baby's mucous. Shrug and drink some wine. Ponder getting your knitting out from way WAY far across room. Realize that if you are going to get up to get knitting, you might as well go wash dinner dishes and bottles and get that chore over with. Go wash dishes. Break ridonculously expensive glass baby bottle in sink. Cut finger. Drop the F bomb. Thrice. Decide knitting and wine was way to go. Finish dishes. How is it 9:45 p.m. already? Decide to check e-mail. Computer sucks you in ... Holy crap, it's 11:30 p.m. Decide to go to bed having not knit or finished wine. Forgo any real nightly hygiene ritual (hell, face soap is at a premium anyway) and instead fall into bed with mucous matted shirt. Fall asleep at midnight.

Taking it easy, baby style:
Wake up screaming at 12:10 a.m. Feel crappy and want to spread the crap.

Taking it easy, parent style:
Jerked awake after just falling asleep. Realize this is going to be a LONG night.

Taking it easy, baby style:
After being changed, fed, and rocked, scream and cry. Keep screaming and crying. Scream and cry self hoarse. May be because miserable. May be because mom's singing voice sucks and needs to be drowned out. May be soothing creek and refreshing menthol are now annoying. May be just nighttime fun. Fall asleep cradled in arms of mom. Scream when she approaches crib as if crib is the root of all evil and HATE HATE HATE. Mental telepathy to Mama: Taking it easy means you carry me Clown! Rinse and repeat until so tired can not muster screaming or crying anymore. Snuggle into crib like there was never any hate.

Taking it easy, parent style:
Deal with sick and screaming baby. Vow never to have sex again. Hours become blur. Hips sore from walking laps with twenty pounds of baby. Realize baby is asleep for real. Dump her in crib and weave down hall into own bed. Fall face first onto cat who has taken your spot. Drift asleep with mouth full of cat fur.

Taking it easy, baby style:
Wake up at 7:00 a.m. chipper and bright. Coo and giggle.

Taking it easy, parent style:
Hear baby waking. Start mental chant, "ten more minutes, ten more minutes." Hope it works like Good Parking Karma chant.

Taking it easy, baby style:
Realize the Clown is not coming after two minutes of cooing and start to scream.

Taking it easy, parent style:
Damn you Karma!

Taking it easy, baby style:
Get changed, fed, and fluffed into new pair of clean, sweet smelling, soft footie jammies. Roll on bed and chase cat. Pluck cat fur. Wonder why dog stays three feet away at all times. Rub eyes and yawn in subtle sign that naptime is immanent. Gently carried to crib where screaming commences. Want Clown to know would rather be playing. Fall asleep after two minutes of screaming since point was made. Take nap.

Taking it easy, parent style:
Put baby down for nap. Decide to nap too, being last night was rough. But first, check e-mail and FaceBook. As approaching computer, decide to put load of laundry in first. Sort, dump, and set washer. Realize stuff is in the dryer. Hit "touch up." Add another ten minutes to the twenty given for touch up. Should be able to check e-mail and FaceBook in thirty minutes. Go to computer. Forgot coffee. While pouring coffee, decide to start cooking sweet potatoes for baby food while on computer. Ponder this Betty Crocker turn and shake head in mystification. Scrub and nuke potatoes. Return to computer, with coffee, while potatoes nuking, open browser, hear baby start to fuss. Turn volume down on monitor as if this might make baby stop fussing. Holy crap! It works! Return to keyboard. Potatoes done nuking. Get up to take them out of microwave as dryer buzzes. Fold clothes. Put in next load as baby starts to wake up and demands cuddles. Realize opportunity to nap has gone the way of the dinosaur.

I could go on, but really, you get my point. Only one of us is taking it easy. That same one is also cracking the whip for the Clown.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

S is for ...

Socks! I knit LB socks from some cursed yarn from my stash. Originally, the yarn was to be socks for myself but then my yarn was hit by a car and the socks, well the sock remnants, were tossed into the frog pond. Now that my heart no longer leaps into a gallop at the sight of the yarn, I decided to turn it into some baby socks.

The socks have been done for several weeks now but I haven't been able to share because trying to photograph the socks on LB was damn near impossible. I wedged her into the Bumbo (a foam seat which you can use to help babies sit up by themselves when they can't actually, you know, sit up by themselves). LB's thighs are a little large for the Bumbo. Getting her in is no problem. Getting her out usually requires some grease. It is effective though, in keeping her put, because no matter how hard she bucks like a bronco, she can't get out. Wahahaha. Nonetheless, having her contained in the Bumbo wasn't actually all that useful for the picture taking thing because, well ...

When she does sit still, it's because she's getting into mischief, or rather grabbing at her sock-clad feet! Maybe if I had put the socks on her earlier in the day and then just stuck her in, she would not have figured out my intent. Live and learn. Anyway, I gave up on getting her to model and approached the dog. She was not pleased, but agreed to model.

Unfortunately her feet are bigger, or rather, dog shaped and thus incompatible with human baby socks. Instead, I had her pull a Chuck.

Obviously she is no Chuck - she's not much of a 'balance things on her head' kinda gal. She pouts. But we got the shot. I probably will never get another like it because I forgot to give her a treat when I was done. Whoops.

In the end, I can tell you that I knit my baby some socks. It isn't because I totally love her lots, though I do. I knit them because I am too cheap to buy the Robeez that I like ($30 for a pair of shoes that will fit for what, 30 days? I don't think so) and the style I like doesn't come in the Fauxbeez. She has one pair of Robeez that EiC gave her and we love them. But they are pink and don't go with everything ... I can't believe I just said that. But it's true. The Mary Janes that I like are much more neutral. But I am cheap. So, I figure if my baby can't have the shoes all the cool kids have, well then, she can have some cool one-of-a-kind socks. Work with me.

Anywho, I did the toes first and then the foot. My standard approach. I didn't have any heel patterns with me when I needed them, so I went with an afterthought heel. It was my first afterthought heel and I misjudge the length so I had to make the heel a bit petite. It's fine though. Baby feet are squishy. I then did a rib with the absurd hope that this would cause the socks to stay on. I figure the rib would pull tight. It does, but grabby fingers can still get the things off. When the socks were done I decided to add an afterthought ruffle. Having never done a ruffle before I just kind of winged it. I picked up stitches and then knit each stitch front and back. For four rounds.

As you can see, I over winged it, making a JUMBO ruffle. Note-to-self: One or two rows of ruffle would have been adequate. Heck, three would have been quite nice. Four? Over kill. I wasn't about to rip it out though so jumbo ruffle it is.

LB loves the socks. She can't keep her hands off the ruffle which must mean they are winners. If only they fit for more than a month.

So, S is for sock!

Yarn: Madelinetosh Hand Dyed Sock Yarn, Sweat Peas
Needles: Addi Circs, size 2.5 mm (US 1)
Pattern: None - toe up sock, after thought heel, ruffle added after cast-off.
Modifications: n/a
Time: 10 days.
Care: Machine wash cold, air dry.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Too Funny

The woman that replaced me at my old job .. she gave her notice yesterday! Hah!

Monday, October 27, 2008


Gah! Another year, another loss?!? Are you kidding me?

The Big Bad Wolf à la Grandma was PISSED!

Actually she wasn't. Or rather, she was pissed that we wouldn't stay and let her play with the other dogs after her disappointing finish. My poor Baby Girl, she was a loooooser. And, she lost to two store bought costumes which just burns my ass. I mean anyone can go out and spend $20 on a costume but to go out and craft together something, I mean come on, there should be points for that. I sewed a skirt from scratch BY HAND for my kid - THE PROP - how could that not be awesomely winsome? One of the three finishers was homemade and it was kind of a good costume. Maybe you couldn't see the seems and maybe it was even bedazzled. I don't like the dog so much, but the costume was fair and I can swallow losing it to it. Actually I can't. I am bitter about the whole thing. Not sure quite what that says about me ... other than my sewing skills are so sub-par that they killed Dogbert's Halloween victory!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

A Handbasket, Por Favor

We have a new computer keyboard and it SUCKS. The side command keys - I just made up that term - the "home," "end," "delete," etc. - are in the wrong places and it keeps fucking me up. That isn't why I haven't posted in the last decade, but it contributed. Sorta. Well, not at all really. But it is annoying me now and I wanted to bitch. I am entitled as I have been up since 4:30 a.m. with a sick kid.

I actually have a few posts percolating in my brain (Ten Things I Have Said to My Charles Schwab Account in the Last Month: unrealized loss my ass! That shit is REALIZED! ... Baby Socks, quick to knit, fun to show off, impossible to photograph while on said baby ... How did I become the hippie granola freak making my own baby food? ... and so on) but I have something to tell you right now dear internet ...

Halloween is HERE. Well, more importantly in this neck of the woods ... Dogbert's Halloween party is here. In mere hours (and have I mentioned I have had NO SLEEP??). As you may recall, Halloween is big in these parts. The pressure was on this year to think of a good costume and well, I came up empty. The original plan, as lame as it could be, was for Dogbert to be Little Red Riding Hood and Lady Bean to be the Big Bad Wolf. Though I am all about making Dogbert's costume from scratch, I think doing the same for a 6.5 month old is ridonculous. So, I went off to find any black fuzzy animal that I could cram my somewhat over-sized kid in. I planned to take some liberties with the wolf thing ... dog, cat, wolf, she's six and a half months old lay off. Right? Wrong. There was not black furry animal costume to be found. The best I could find was a cow. At one point the Big Bad Cow seemed funny. Last night, the night before the contest, the Big Bad Cow was just LAME. So in a fit of domestic insanity, or just plain ole insanity, I hand stitched Lady Bean a red gingham skirt from the material that was going to go in the dog's LRRH basket. Yes, Lady Bean can be Little Red Riding Hood (with glazed over eyes and snot everywhere) and I AM FUCKING NUTS. Mind you, this skirt would get laughed off the runway on Project Runway - no hem - noticeable seemage - terrible craftsmanship - but still ... I AM FUCKING NUTS. The dog is going to be the Big Bad Wolf dressed as grandma. This is either an awesome idea or I was delirious after staying up with a sick kid. We'll see what happens. The contest, normally held at the doggie daycare place, is being held at an Alzheimer's home, so it's not as if the majority of the audience will remember if we totally suck it. I think I am going to Hell after that last statement. Right there is no Hell. Whew.