Sunday, December 31, 2006

Finally, vol. ii

Fare-f&^%$-well 2006!

2006. The year of endurance, no matter how much it sucks, it can get worse.

Ought-six has been my worst year ever. It seems like all years ending in six get a perverse pleasure in seeing how far they can push before I stumble in to catatonia. But this year, it was by far the worst. I'm not going to recount all of the bad stuff, but I am going to share a few thoughts.

  • Great husbands and good friends can get you through anything.
  • Justin Timberlake's FutureSexLoveSounds was the best album this year.
  • I love my husband.
  • I'm going to get shit for not listing that last one first.
  • Peanut butter and chocolate can cure a lot of woes.
  • No matter how private your yard, wearing a shirt outside is ALWAYS advisable.
  • Silk yarn smells like turds when it is wet, but the feel of it makes the turd smell acceptable.
  • Never wear anything made from silk yarn in the rain, snow, or any other extremely humid environment.
  • I love my cat.
  • Scissors + yarn = BAD
  • Losing at the who-gives-a-crap-bowl against Nevada would have been an embarrassing and disappointing way to end a football season. Whew Chavez Grant!
  • I love my dog.
  • Calling a face lift "eye surgery" fools no one.
  • Canadian ATM's are vicious.
  • Beware! Dog treat cookies can look exactly like people cookies.
  • If you have me detained, I will still hate you ten years later.
  • Even though it doesn't snow in October, November, or December, it can still snow the following April.
  • Sports teams' mascots can teach you a lot about ornithology.
  • No matter how bad a knot, someone, somewhere can get the knot unknotted.
  • I may be immune to e.coli.
  • Famous or semi-famous people fly out of and into Bradley International Airport around Thanksgiving.

  • See ya oh-six. Welcome oh-seven. Love you. Please be nice.

    Finally, vol. i

    It's done! And, it is still 2006 (with two hours to spare). My final finished object for the year.


    This sweater had both highs and lows. It was tediously slow going and unbelievable quick. It was simple and hard. I thought the seaming was going to kill me. It didn't. Not quite anyway. It was my very first sweater so I am giving myself a little slack. Except for my photography skills in this picture ... it reminds me of a mug shot. I can't imagine what my head would have looked like if I hadn't cut it off!

    There are a lot of things I don't like about this sweater. Like the fact that you can see my bra through it (as evident in all but two of the gazillion pictures I took). Or the sleeves, which have a linebacker look to them because they are both too low and too poofy. I mean, it could be worse. The sleeves could be different lengths.

    As I said to Boo, I wouldn't buy this if I had tried it on in a store. But I'll wear it because I worked hard.

    Yarn: Lang Pearl; Color: rust; Dye Lot 44417
    Needles: Addis Size 9
    Pattern: Caviar Sweater
    Time: 2 months
    Care: Machine wash, dry flat, low heat iron

    Saturday, December 30, 2006

    I'm So NOT a Winner

    WARNING: The following post contains graphic images of BAD BAD things! Terrible things. Yarn abuse. You may wish to advert your eyes.

    Okay, you've been warned .... You will not believe what I did. Hell, I can not believe what I did.

    It all started when Snuffleupagus' sleeve look like something out of medieval times. It was about four inches too long and poofy as all hell at the top where I had sewn it in. I started to undo all of my seaming but because it was like the umpteen time I did it, the seam was not coming out. I thought I could see exactly where my seam was, so I very carefully snipped the yarn that was the seam. Apparently I was not careful enough.

    When I realized what happened I just about lost my mind. After I finished ranting (for the time being), I told Boo I was going to toss the whole thing in the garbage. I was done. The sweater was stupid to begin with. You name it, I bitched about it. He then very calmly told me that if I was going to pitch it, I should take a knife to it first. Get all of my anger out. I thought about and realized I couldn't do it. I couldn't destroy all of that work. So, it seems that I am going to try to rescue the stupid fuking thing. I thought about working on it this afternoon, but Cat was too busy getting cozy with the carnage.

    When I finally shooed him off, I realized that I sliced into the sleeve too. A little extra destruction I hadn't notice before. Yeah!

    Friday, December 29, 2006

    I'm a Winner

    The cup does not in fact hold eight ounces, even poured to the tippy top, it only holds four. I took a picture to show y'all how high he tried to fill it, but water, it's clear, it's not the best photographic medium for me, a woman who is not such a great photographer. In fact the before and after pictures were nearly identical and only a small piece of hair (I'm thinking it might have been mohair but then again it might have been cat hair or dog hair or even my hair) allows you to tell that there is in fact water in there. So, for winning the bet, I got a ten minute real back massage (it was real in the sense that it was all fingers and hands and no roller things or electric devices). It is a good thing I won too, as a loser I would have been subjected to one hour and forty-two minutes of, as Ty Burr of the Boston Globe states, "...the cinematic equivalent of a toupee that doesn't convince." Or, as you (and Boo) might call it, Rocky Balboa or as I call it, Rocky 704, will they ever stop making these movies?

    I'm also a winner when it comes to knitting, sort of. I managed to get some more seaming done on Snuffleupagus. Side two, complete! Also,

    That's right, I have pictures of the smelly shawl/wrap. Behold.

    Yes, I know, most of the photos are not of my knitted goodness on a human. This is mostly because I was apprehensive about using the self-timer function since the last time I did this, the camera fell and broke.

    There is also the slight issue that as a shawl, it looks quite dumb. I think it is way too short. It also looks weird with the rows going all wonky. Hence the "scarf" shot. This may be my most expensive scarf yet. It does feel nice on the neck though, so I guess I can live with that. Ok, that's is a lie, I can't live with it. If I don't somehow mentally decide I like this as a shawl the way it is, it will be frogged and modified to be a shawl that I like.

    Yarn: Art Yarns, Silk Rhapsody, 2 skeins (260 yd ea.); Color: 140 Silver
    Needles: Addis Size 8
    Pattern: Art Yarns Open Shawl (pattern came with yarn)
    Time: 1 1/2 month
    Care: Dry Clean Only, do not iron

    Thursday, December 28, 2006

    New High

    My level of dorkdom has reached an all time high. Tonight we were driving to dinner and I wanted to knit in the car. It was dark and I needed light that wouldn't distract Boo as he was driving so I donned my new brainiac headlight (a holiday gift from Boo) and a knitting I went. The high school boys in the bus coming home from some event sure got a kick out of laughing at the crazy lady with the headlight (as did Boo). But that was okay, I got a lot of knitting done. The knitting was a little trickier than I thought though because I seem to channel Stevie Wonder. Either that or I have a tick or two!


    Last night I met with my ladies for some knitting. I brought a pair of socks to work on and was be-bopping along when I noted KAT was SEAMING UP HER SWEATER! You may recall that I too have a sweater that requires some seaming. I was totally envious of her seaming as these random bits formed a sweater right before my very eyes. She was like a magician working some magic. In three hours, with much talking and coffee drinking she had seamed up everything but the bottom of the sleeves. Me = jealous. Self, I said, you need to get your ass home and seam up your sweater. No excuses. So, I got home at 10:03 pm, and at 10:17 pm, I started the seaming process. Now I had already seamed up the shoulders weeks ago, I just had to do the sides and the arm holes/sleeves. Oh, and I had to bind of the stitches I picked up for the collar and seam that together too. I should be able to do this in a couple of hours right? WRONG!

    I decided to start with the neck; I bound it off and seamed it up. It wasn't pretty, but it wasn't awful. I decided it was good enough. Hopefully no one is going to get that close or concentrate on my rack to the point that he or she notice. Besides, if someone is going to stare at the girls, then stare at the girls, don't be looking at my seaming! So, onto the sleeves. I figured setting in the sleeves and seaming them in would be easier if I didn't have the sides seamed. Wrong again. After mucking around with the damn thing until well after one in the morning, I determined that the sides needed to be seamed before I could play with the sleeves. I now have two shoulders seamed up (from a month ago), one neck bound off and seamed, one side seamed and one sleeve tacked in at the top of the shoulder and the armpit. I also have contempt and disgust for this sweater.

    I have a lot of playing around to do to make the sleeves fit in. I adjusted the pattern to make it fit the girls and my lunch lady arms, and in doing so I seemed (how pun-y) to have totally screwed myself. Individually the pieces all fit and appear like they would make a very nice sweater. In actuality, bleck. If I ever manage to make all the pieces fit together, I will wear the sweater. Oh yes, I will wear it. Not because it will look nice or even slightly presentable, but because I refuse to have wasted that much of my money and my time on a glorified dishrag.

    And, in other construction news, I still have not gotten the puzzle ring together! At one point I thought I was right there ...

    But I wasn't. I had to take it apart and start all over. I'm sensing a theme here!

    Tuesday, December 26, 2006

    The Bet

    While we were eating brunch, I commented on the minuscule amount of beverage that fit in our cups. There was some debate on this and it came down to Boo and BIL5 saying that the cup looked smaller than it was and that it actually would hold eight ounces of liquid. I laughed at this, uproariously, and a bet was made.

    Boo said eight ounces, I said no friggen way. Fortunately I had a small bottle of water that held exactly eight ounces.

    You tell me, you think that bottle of water fit in that cup?

    The Eats

    For me, Christmas isn't just about the gifts, it's also about the food. When you start your Christmas morning at 10:30ish (I know, but gimme a break, we don't have kids, sleep was important!) you need some sustenance to be able to get all those presents open. So before we started, I put together a small snack to tide us over ...

    Nothing like some coffee, muffins and coffee cake to get you through the stockings and the first round of giftage.

    Traditionally, my family has always done "brunch" on Christmas (though since we ate at noonish, I guess it was really more like lunch). Brunch was a great way to help eliminate the stress of who is going where for dinner, since it seemed most people always did dinner. In any event, Boo and I have kinda tweaked the brunch to make it more ours (this means no oysters, why oysters were brunch food, I'm not so sure). So our spread has bagels and cream cheese and lox. It also had eggs, bacon, hash browns, cheesy grits (yum!), and fruit salad. BIL5, Boo's brother that is closest to him in age, was so impatient, I thought he was going to kill me while I tried to get a picture or two. The man was armed with a butter knife!

    Food for everyone,

    Food for me,

    Since we eat brunch, we don't really have much of a dinner. This year, however, I made an exception and actually cooked dinner too. There was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, salad and biscuits. Not really traditional, but good!

    By the time dinner rolled around, I had figured out that it was smarter to get my pictures before I told the boys that dinner was ready. It worked out well, I didn't have to sweat any knife wielding masses!

    Monday, December 25, 2006

    The Goods

    My Secret Pal, she rocks! I got a SP package Christmas Eve and Boo put it under the tree before I could tear into it. Yes, yes, I was a good girl, I didn't even give it a shake. I waited. And, boy was it worth it! It was the first thing I opened after my stocking.

    Can you say Lemongrassayumminess? Awhile back I mentioned that I wanted to get the STR yarn in lemongrass at Rhinebeck but it was sold out and so I got other colors instead. Well Santa a la my Secret Pal, she got me the lemongrass! Love it! Love it! Love it! I am so psyched that they are going to be my very next project. Not only did my package have yarny goodness, it also had the world's largest peanut butter cups! It was a Christmas miracle that my critters didn't eat that package during the night it was sitting under the tree because it had the world's largest peanut butter cups inside! It also had a really cool card. I likey.

    Thank you Secret Pal! Ya done good!

    My Secret Pal wasn't the only one who spoiled me. Boo, he rocked the holiday. He's been so patient with my medical crap and my melancholy, then he spoils me too. I am a lucky girl! I have feet duvets to keep my toes warm and a silver Empire State Building ornament to commemorate where we got engaged. I also was sent on a treasure hunt, with riddles and clues that took me on a tour of our house, that culminated in a little blue box perched on a branch of the Shamus, the Chirstmas tree. I was too excited, I may have even been jumping up and down, so there was no picture of the actual treasure hunt, but here is one of my goody!

    I wasn't the only one who made out. Baby Girl did too!

    Sunday, December 24, 2006

    The Decor

    Usually I go nuts with the Christmas decorations, but this year, not so much. I did, however, take the obligatory pictures of the decorations I managed to use.

    Friday, December 22, 2006

    I Do Knit!

    I haven't had a lot of k-nitting k-news which is why I have regaled you with tales of my office insanity.* It hasn't been because I haven't been knitting; it's just that I have nothing new to report. Snuffleupagus is on the back burner because it is going to take some time to sew him up. Time, and wits. I'm no longer popping pain pills (maybe I shouldn't admit to this - they were a good excuse for my many brainfarts), but I feel like I need some down time to concentrate and down time has not been what you would call abundant, or um, at all present. I still would like to have him done by Christmas, so maybe one night this weekend.

    I've also been working on the not-really-lace-but-it-sure-has-a-lot-of-yarn-overs-and-slipped-stitches shawl/wrap. I finally finished it last night after having some uh, issues. Seems I am no good at guesstimating how much yarn it will take to bind off an object and I kept having to rip back. Argh. Anyway, I did manage to finish it and decided to block it late last night. The whole blocking thing took a little Lucy & Ethel turn though. I was going for a wet block because I am not down with the steam and the iron and the heat and well, you get the idea. So water, then OMIGOD I NEED OXYGEN! When the water met that yarn, a bouquet of barnyard aromas were released. It was NASTY. I figured it might be a little funky from the multiple doctors offices and so forth and that it might require a swish in some mildly sudsy water to wash off any stray typhoid. WRONG! This baby was nasty. I swear, a sheep borrowed my wrap, rolled in some crap, passed it to a pig who did the same and the passed it on to some friends to also do the same and then put it back in my bag. I washed it, twice, with mild good smelling shampoo and then conditioned it. I'm not sure if the lingering eau de barnyard was from the stench stuck to the shower walls, or if my nostrils were permanently branded, or if it was the wrap still retaining the stink, but I am really hoping it was not the latter. I had put the blocking wires in before the water immersion, which was smart but not well played. I ended up having to redo two of the wires because its bath was a little more rigorous than I had anticipated. Once that was all done, I did block it ... on our guest bed. This thing is a queen, so it is a good sized blocking surface. But I made a, hopefully not fatal, mistake by aligning it across ways instead of up and down.

    I think that it will still be plenty long, but if not I can do it over. Heck, I may have to if my guest room smells like Old McDonald's when I get home today. Obviously the colors are off a tad because 1)it's wet and 2)it was late and dark. Despite this, the pattern has really shown itself nicely.

    If I do have to re-block it because it is too short or (more likely) smells like Wilbur, I will not only be more careful of the blocking wires, I will probably put a few wires in width-wise to help straighten out my rows. As you can see, they are a little wonky.

    * Here is one tidbit of office insanity because really, I don't want to cut you off cold turkey and have you suffer withdrawal ... Crazy, in a hysterical, on the verge of tears voice as she SLAMS her office door shut: "Those were for everyone! You're sequestering the chips!" Chip sequesterer?!?

    Thursday, December 21, 2006

    It Was Okay

    The holiday party was as expected. There were improper comments and inappropriate behaviors. Unfortunately I don't have too many pictures to share with you as I was referred to as "You with the fucking pictures." I thought this moniker was a little flowery, and suggest the name "You" but that didn't seem to catch on. What can you do? I was able to get a pictures of the holiday party spread, with the requisite plastic utensils to promote sanitation.

    I was unable, unfortunately, to get pictures of dirty people touching the food with their bare hands that they did not wash after they used the loo despite the many plastic utensil, nor was I able to get pictures of Crazy crying.

    It was I that made her tear up because I joked about her blind cat. Let this be a lesson to you all, feline blindness is NEVER EVER funny. Well, actually, it is, sometimes, and everyone else thought my comment was funny, nonetheless, she cried and the fates, they made me pay. They messed up my insides again. Another year, another Holiday Party = Me, with BAD stomach issues. You'd think I'd learn. Oh well. The party was not all doom, gloom. In fact, this morning, I had cookies and peanut butter/candy bar cake for breakfast.

    Wednesday, December 20, 2006


    Let's say, hypothetically, that you partook in a lunchtime office party. While at said office party, let's say you indulged in a little adult eggnog and you got a little tipsy (you never took your shirt off or danced on the table so you were obviously NOT DRUNK). And let's say you fall up the stairs on the way to your office, will Workers Comp cover your injuries?

    You Decide

    I'm a steak eating, leather wearing, fan of fur. I also think medicines should be tested on animals before people. That being said, I do think that common sense dictates that we need not test make-up on animals or treat them cruelly. Sooooo.

    I'm not sure how much, if any, and to what extent the hubbub about the animal cruelty/Australian Sheep/Wool is true. But, I saw this info on the PETA website and this info on vegan knitting, also on the PETA site, and I thought I would share and let y'all make up your own minds.


    Today is the first time I've ever brought Baby Girl to work. It is the first time I've ever stepped into a six inch deep hole and fallen ass-over-teakettle while walking Baby Girl, and done it front of an audience of police and road crew workers. It is also the first time I've ever sung the words, "I'm fine and dandy!" in an operatic, though off key, manner.

    P.S. I haven't even touched the eggnog yet!

    Tuesday, December 19, 2006

    Exhibit 45976

    Did I that mention my co-workers are weird, and not in a good way?

    Remember, be sanitary!

    Monday, December 18, 2006

    Party On

    So my office "holiday party" or "two hours and seventeen minutes of pure torture in which at least one person cries, one person sulks, one person acts inappropriately towards the food, and I get a headache" is approaching. Due to the aforementioned (aforementioned, heh, I went to law school) crying, years ago we started to vote as to whether we will have an office party. Traditionally the party is a pot luck wherein (oy! another law school word!) I and one or two other people cook and everyone else chips in $5 for pork and rice and beans. Having bitched up a storm because I was tired of being the schmuck that cooked and not one who chipped in the $5 and saved myself aggravation (Me: Here's my $5, I'll chip in toward the pig stuff. Them: We have enough money, thanks! Me: Assholes.), I voted no for the party last year. I was able to organize a grassroots rebellion and the party was nixed. We only have eleven people so this sounds more impressive than it really was. We ended up having pizza delivered, pizza which gave me heartburn and wrecked my insides. There was some sort of karma at work for my bah-humbug attitude I guess. In any event, not wanting to spend a day in the lavatory as penance for hating my co-workers, I did not vote no for the party this year. The party is on; the party though, has changed.

    According to the fourteen memo's I received, yes, I said memos, apparently word of mouth isn't going to cut it, we are ordering in and potlucking AT THE SAME TIME.
    Mr. Cool was assigned beverages. He said he'll bring soda and "special" egg nog. By special I hope he means rum with a sprinklin' of nutmeg. I'm gonna need it.


    For my birthday, Boo got me these...

    So Friday night we had dinner and a show ...

    Yes, yes, I did have cake for dinner. It was mighty good too. Not as good as the show, because hell, that was AWESOME. By far the best Broadway musical I've ever seen (and maybe it was only the first Broadway musical I've ever seen, but still, it was fantastic). Thanks Boo!

    Thursday, December 14, 2006

    Good Times

    I hereby declare our SnB party a success!

    No one was poisoned and there were no slip and falls. What more could you ask for? Seriously though, it was a lot of fun. That is not to say there weren't a few bumps along the way. Like the fact that I misread (or um, didn't read) the crescent roll packaging for the chicken croissants so that they were NOW! 50%! BIGGER! Or, how the S&S frozen pre-made "Enjoy Now" hors d'oeuvres were nasty! Or, how I forgot to get the centerpiece for the table. Then there were the beverages ... Coffee? Oops, forgot to make it. Wine? Sure, go ahead! Oh, you mean you can't open it either? Note that we did manage to get the wine open but never got around to makin' the coffee, that tells you a little about our priorities. I also forgot to get out the camera until after we had eaten. The table was no longer "pretty," not that it was so hot with that gaping hole of a missing centerpiece!

    So no nice food shots for BeFri! And, when I did get out the camera, the majority of my pictures were like this ...

    That's not to say all of them came out as "butt shots" (Hi KAN!) but the majority were action shots. And by that I mean, "Wow! Where is every one's heads? And, why is this so blurry?" I am blaming this on the pain killers. There is no other excuse. My camera has auto everything. I can not be that innately inept!

    There were a few good ones like Baby Girl gettin' some lovin' or TWG directing air traffic with her new light up knitting needles.

    Yes, the needle shot was suppose to be dark. No pain killer gnome there. That was to help you see how unbelievably bright those needle light up! The light up needles were part of a Yankee Swap gift bag that included needle felting. The swap gifts were all good ... linen yarn, Noro Silk ribbon, Lorna Laces, just to name a few. My personal favorite was Nancy Bush's Knitting on the Road. I was lucky that I got to keep it. A few gifts were stolen. Oddly enough, they seemed to always be snatched from the same victim; I think she lost her gifts twice?!?

    Gift one:

    Gift two:

    Gift three:

    When all was said and done, it was a nice time. That is until everyone left and I was faced with the prospect of handwashing all of the dishes because china = handwashing. DAMN YOU LENOX! Once Boo got home he helped me out (just like he did when he helped with the cleaning, and by helped I mean he did it all while I was passed out lounged on the couch in a stupor). But, as expected, as I was turning off the lights and crawling up to bed, I found that one thing ...

    You know it's been a good time when you find a used wine glass tucked away in the decor. Especially if there is a good chance that it was your wine glass to begin with!

    Tuesday, December 12, 2006


    I have this:

    It is suppose to look like this:

    I've had to call in reinforcements.

    Keep your fingers crossed!