Monday, June 23, 2008

You'll Be Missed

"The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things -- bad language and whatever -- it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition .... There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. ... It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have."
-- George Carlin.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

My Own Fault

For the most part my maternity leave has been Crazy free. There was the call informing me that I might get laid off, then there were the five gazillion subsequent calls telling me that no, not getting laid off. And, for the record, that totally bummed me out. I wanted to get laid off. But I digress. I had been pretty much Crazy free and I guess all the normalcy pushed me into complacency because I voluntarily stopped by my office last week and then, again voluntarily, brought Lady Bean up to Crazy's office to say hi. One thing led to another and the next thing I know, the woman touched my belly. I KNOW! Who the fuk rubs a non-pregnant person's belly? She says, "You're looking good" and then rub-a-dub-dubs. I was NOT prepared. Not that you can be. I mean, really, who is prepared for that kind of thing? Especially at her office. A pole dancer, maybe. But not a lawyer.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

L is for ...

Little feet in handknit Little Coriolis socks.

Handknit socks which are a tad to long if you look closely.

I finished these Little Corilois socks several weeks ago but forgot to do a finished object photo shoot. Aside from the fact that the yarn is crap, the socks came out quite nice. Actually that is not true.

Even though I followed the directions meticulously, the second sock isn't the same as the one in the pattern. The picture of the second sock in the pattern has two lines of stitches going up the arch, which makes sense since the first sock has two rows of stitches going up the arch. Only my second sock, it has one row of stitches. Weird, huh? Lady Bean doesn't seem to mind so I'm not sweating it. Plus these will only fit her for a minute, so I am not going to rip them out.

I have to admit that using little feet in handknit socks for my L might be "cheating" as K was for knitting and the knitting was these socks. I did finish the socks and Lady Bean is wearing them so there is some difference since K was written, but still. I feel a little wrong using the same item twice. So I have a back-up L ... L is for large ass lizard

This guy was chilling on my uncle's screen porch and startled the hell out of me. I was standing on the porch, talking on my cellphone, minding my own business, and turned to look out at the yarn and BAM! There he was in all his reptilian splendor. He was longer than my hand and the brightest green. He was also pretty patient too since he stayed put while I went and got my camera.

So there you have it, L is for lizards and Lady Bean's little lady feet in little coriolis socks.

Yarn: Moda•Dea Sassy Stripes, color #6946 Crush, dye lot #5821.
Needles: Addi Turbo, size 3.0 mm (US 2)
Pattern: Little Coriolis
Time: 3 days.
Care: Machine wash, dry flat.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Peas in a Pod

This morning I realized that my coffee, milk and caramel concoction looks eerily similar to Lady Bean's infant formula, breast milk and prune juice concoction.

God forbid I ever confuse the two!

Monday, June 09, 2008

Constitutionally Required

So I've decided to supplement my income by pole dancing and have knit my pasties.

As if. Can you imagine? What if the yarn started to stretch out and then I got cold? That could be disastrous.

Actually, these are toes for a pair of socks I am knitting for myself. For some reason I like to spread them out and picture pasties and yarmulkes. I need more sleep.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

K is for ...

Knitting, obviously! One could say krazy knitting since I'm once again attempting to knit a pair of socks for the bean. Okay, let's be honest here. I am knitting the second practice pair, the little coriolis, in Cat Bordhi's book, but it seems better to say that I am knitting for Lady Bean than just farting around with a new pattern and some cheap yarn. Moving on, I have one sock done and it took me two hours.

It fits! There is even a little extra room in the toe area which seems promising in the whole "actually can wear them" department.

Now lets hope I can find another two hours in the near future to finish the second sock. This pair is significantly bigger than the last pair I knit (since I am using much cheaper, but much thicker, yarn), so I have high hopes that I will finish them before she outgrows them.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008


So Crazy called me at home tonight and for about one millionth of one tenth of one second I missed work. Then she started to speak and the missing work thing evaporated. In any event, the rumor is that the state may not be renewing my firm's contract and so we may all be laid off at the end of the month. Somehow getting laid off while on maternity leave seems like the perfect ending to my current job. There is something poetic and perfect about the whole thing, so poetic and perfect that it will never happen which is I'm not the least bit worried about it. It just ain't happenin. What, am I tempting fate by putting that out there in writing? BRING IT Fates! Lay me off! Force me to stay home with my new kid while collecting unemployment, I dare you!

Turtle or Hare

I finished the Little Sky practice socks for Lady Bean. I did, I did. I thought she might enjoy wearing them today after suffering through the indignity known as "vaccinations" but she didn't. Oh no, she didn't.

I'd like to think that the screaming that commenced when I put the socks on her was due to the various viruses floating through her system because really, that could sour anyone's disposition. And though the virus thing did not help, I suspect the socks were what set her off (that time) because they were too small and I had to really cram her feet in there. The heel didn't reach anywhere near where her heel was ... despite my attempts of pulling, pushing, and prying. And yes, I really did try to cram, push and pull her little feetsies into the sock. Hell, she was already crying, I figured I might as well try to jockey those little fuckers onto her. But it didn't work. She and I had a heated discussion on the virtues of bacon fat as a lubricant and in the end she won out so I didn't grease her up. Can you imagine those feet covered in bacon grease? Gah! That is like a meal right there!

I suspect if I had used half my brain and actually read the pattern, and not skipped important things like "knit 8 rounds" that I could finished these little guys in time to fit her. Having to rip back each sock and re-knit them more than once (or more than twice) because of reading issues, well that is just ridiculous. Especially the second sock. Who has to re-knit a second sock that is identical to the first one she knit? A moron, that's who! In any event, the socks were a fun knit and the construction was interesting. The thing I enjoyed most was the short row heel. I KNOW. I hate the short row heel. At least I did until I did this one. The directions clicked with me and I was able to conceal the wraps in a way that made the sides match and now I know longer hate the short row heel. I KNOW. Crazy.

Yarn: (Leftover) Socks That Rock, medium weight, color unknown, I thought it was Nodding Violet but a browse on Ravelry makes me think not so much.
Needles: Addi Circs, size 3.0 mm (US 2)
Pattern: Little Sky Sock
Modifications: None. Except that I missed a few rounds on one set of ribbing because not only can I not read, I can't count either. Whoops!
Time: 23 days a/k/a as long as it takes for my kid's feet to grow bigger than the pattern.
Care: Machine wash, dry flat.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

J is for...

Jesus Jackass! Quit wrecking your husband's car.

This was the second time in three days that I had an "unfortunate incident" when backing up. The first time cost us $17 for a new Honda emblem. This time, the second time, well try $17, times a thousand.

The first time I'd like to say was not my fault. It was the garage door's fault for not opening up fast enough when I was reversing. For some reason nobody is buying that. I'm not sure why. In all fairness though, the second time really was not solely my fault. For reals, yo. In any event ... Jackass indeed.