Thursday, July 24, 2008

O is for ...

Orange Straw of Goodness, or rather Orange Straw of Addiction.

Hi, my name is Jenna, and I am a coffeeholic. I blame my new found addiction on my baby. I am an awesome parent like that. I've always enjoyed coffee ... as a milk and sugar delivery system. Coffee in and of itself as a daily desire? Meh. Once I was home on maternity leave, however, it was no longer an issue of enjoyment but rather a need. I needed my morning milky coffee concoction like Crazy needs mental health meds, which is to say a WHOLE LOT. Every morning I would make Lady Bean a bottle and me some coffee and we'd drink until our hearts content. And that was all fine and dandy until you know, maternity leave ended and I left the house and went to work. Because let me tell you, it already takes me over an hour to wake up, nurse the baby, shower, dress myself, do the hair and make-up thing, change and dress the baby, feed and water the cat, feed and water the dog, let the dog do her bidness, pump the boobs, pack the pump, et patati et patata. I mean come on. How am I suppose to squeeze in coffee making and drinking time? I'm not!

I tried to wean myself of my morning love, and well, it went bad, real bad. So instead, I decided to make the drive of shame to Drunkin Donuts where I could get my fix. Once that orange straw gently passed my lips and started delivering the ambrosia of the gods, all was good. Except when I was broke. And this leads us to the part where I disclose just how far I have been willing to go to wrap my lips around that orange pole of pleasure. And let's just say that my husband mentioned another pole of pleasure which he would let me wrap my lips around for money, or Drunkin Donut and Starbucks gift cards. Which, in and of itself, whatever, husband paying wife for sexual favors, only slightly pathetic. Except that one of those gift cards was a FREE one he got at a Yankee game with only $2 on it. Yes folks, I'm all about dirty deeds done dirt cheap.

Oh, and the irony of this addiction ... I drink decaf. I KNOW. Who is addicted to decaffeinated coffee? A freak, that's who!

1 comment:

Sue said...

my my that's quite the fiesta of a desk you've got goin' on there. and i know of your addiction, since i have lately developed one of my own. and shame on yer husband for paying for sexual favors. he ought to know you'd do it for free right?? bwahahahaha!