Pitiful

I haven't looked at the stocking yet so we're not gonna talk about that.

No, instead, let me tell you about the most pitiful e-mail that I've seen in a long time! It went out to our knitting group and was concerning food for our holiday party. Due to allergies, pregnancy, nursing, and general health stuff, we have some food restrictions. Doesn't seem like a big deal right? Well, when you speak to one person with one issue, isn't such a bad thing. But, when you line them up all together, HOLY CRAP!

Amongst ten or so people we have folks who can't do dairy, gluten, nuts, wheat, corn, potato, sugar or eggs. We also have a vegetarian and a sorta-vegetarian (though, quite frankly, I think this category is lame and should not exist because you either eat the animal or you don't, the end. Eating only chicken or only fish or only bacon makes you NOT a vegetarian ... you might be picky but you are not a vegetarian since the definition of a vegetarian is one who does not eat meat, fish, fowl, or, in some cases, any food derived from animals, as eggs or cheese, but subsists on vegetables, fruits, nuts, grain, etc. According to Wikipedia there are semi-vegetarian diets like flexitarian but I have to say that I think the internet made this shit up. I'm a flexitarian? Bah! Just man up and say you are a picky eater. And, this is all I have to about that!) and a total anti-vegetarian. Seriously? I'm not even sure that if we went to a restaurant that we could find someplace that could feed everyone. Initially, before this e-mail went out, I planned to make the good ole stand-by cheesy-chicken crescent rolls. In light of the list, this knocks out the no gluten people, the no wheat people, the no dairy people, and the vegetarian and it might knock out the sorta-vegetarian, so basically I'd need to make like three crescent rolls ... Boo would be happy because he would get a lot of leftovers but it wouldn't be very holiday spiritish. Someone jokingly suggested that we each just bring our own meal and I was like FOR REALS YO! I like me some meat and cheese. Wrap in a bread product and hot-friggin-damn! Can you say cheesy pigs in a blanket? But again, not in that holiday spirit.

Having been on a no-sugar lo-carb diet when I was pregnant, I understand how much it sucks to go to a party and not be able to eat anything ... also, don't want to be a Screw-Everybody-Scrooge so I've racked my brain and I think I have a food everyone can eat ... duh duh duh! Babies! It's really just a modest proposal I came up with. Ha! Just kidding. Though my kid is pretty tasty. She kind of tastes like chicken which would knock out the veggie head!

No seriously, my food idea? Beans! Now, I can't re-fry the beans and smother them in cheese, or veggies, or sour cream, which actually makes the prep very easy. Buy can of beans. Open can of beans. Dump can of beans in disposable holiday dish and bring to party. Done!