Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dead Bunny

Yes, I am pregnant! And yes, I failed to write a glorious and flowery post exalting the joys of new life growing in my womb. And yes, as Joan said, "Just checked your blog to see if there were any photos, ultrasounds, etc. And instead, what did I find? You decided to break the exciting news to the interwebs by burying it in a story about peeing in the woods?!" But really, excessive peeing, that about summarizes my pregnancy experience. Not much more to say ... I am pregnant, I must pee. Though, I expect Joan is a little bitter at my c'est la vie announcement since she and The Deuce may share the same birthday if The Deuce is actually born on her due date. And yes, I said her and no, I don't "know" that it is a girl, but dude, I know. Anywho, in my defense, I will say that The Deuce is perhaps one of the least photogenic fetuses of all time. We have had a couple of ultrasounds at this point and they all look more like Rorschach Tests. What, you don't believe me? Think I am using bad ultrasoundography as an excuse? Exhibit A, which incidentally I scanned into the 'puter with an actual scanner, none of the picture of a picture thing, so all craptastic imagery is due to um, I dunno, belly flub? Old equipment? The Deuce herself?

Anyway, exhibit A, the most recent picture:

Do you see a baby's profile? Or, do you see a storm coming our way on the Doppler 6000? I mean really. Thanks for the picture, but um, what exactly is it a picture of? A weather front?

Exhibit B:

Here we have a line diagramming the the length of the baby. I know this because they told me so. Without this knowledge, I see a coconut on the beach.

So, no lovely post with pictures because the pictures tell another story, a story of storms and beaches, which might be quite interesting, but are not related to my insides and also may have been made into a major motion picture starring Tom Hanks, and hello, copyright infringement. I've also been lax in my announcement as I've been dealing with a sick kid. Lady Bean has a cold and is channeling Sybil. She has also perfected the art of throwing herself on the ground and having a temper tantrum. Usually she hits a wall or door or pet on her way to the ground and injures herself, thus having an actual reason to cry. Good times over here at Chez Insanity. It was um, non-blissful enough that I decided I was going to invent a drinking game wherein you do a shot every time your kid throws a tantrum. It was a great idea until I realized I would have been shitfaced by 10am, oh, and that whole no drinking cause I'm pregnant thing was a hindrance too.

Speaking of LB, she just walked into the office with a ten dollar bill and the phone. The phone was ringing. I'm not sure who she was calling (pizza?) but she forgot to dial one plus the area code when calling that number. I figure this is my queue to exit stage right.

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