Have you ever noticed that the amount of salt and pepper in the individually pre-packaged packets is not the same? There is way more salt in the packet than there is pepper. And I hate this! It totally irks me. What, you think I'm kidding?
Here we have two identical packets. They are totally the same. Well, identical but for the letters, the color of the lettering, and the contents. Which would make them not identical at all. But you know what I mean! The size. They are the identical, exact same, size.
Now if you empty said packets side by side you can see that they have totally different amounts inside. There is way more salt in the packet than pepper. The pepper is like an ant hill to the salt's Mt. Rainier. Ridiculous! What, you still don't believe me?
Okay, I am now going to expose my dorkdom in all its glory. But this will totally be worth it if I can expose to the world the wrongness of the pepper packaging system. My dorkishness is but a small price to pay for proper pepper packaging.
So here we have my salt and pepper cut into two equally wide lines. And, yes, that really is salt. There are no hijinks here. No need to call the DEA. I mean heck, if I was a real druggie, I would have had my mirror and razor handy? What druggie worth his weight in salt (hardy har har) would use a needle sizer/stitch gauge thingamajig for a razor and a sheet of legal paper for a mirror? A dumb one. Or a desperate one. Because the needle sizer/stitch gauge thingamajig for a razor? Totally sucks. I was going to describe my use of knitting tools as a bit MacGyveresque. A bit inventive. But then I realized that it was neither MacGyver nor inventive, but instead lame and desperate. But you know what, if you are a desperate coke-whore, who happens to knit, looking for a fix and you have nothing but a needle sizer/stitch gauge thingamajigger, it will get the job done. I'm just saying. What, I'm saying I have no idea. Anywho, my condiment lines. Do you see how the pepper is one third the length of the salt? I'll have you know I used my sheep tape measure to further the scientificness of this and what I have found, beyond any reasonable doubt, is that the pepper packet contains one third less pepper than the salt packet contains salt. This is terrible.
This is bullshit! I'm gonna write a letter to my congressman. Why isn't the government all over this? If the government is going to tell restaurants not to cook with trans-fats, if it is going to dictate what light bulbs I can use, or require vaccinations for non-communicable diseases, then dammit, it should step up to the plate on the pepper packet issue. I mean, hello, salt is bad for you. This is a national health issue. Many people are probably over salting and have no idea! We need to be saved from this evil that is salt.
Okay, relax! I'm being facetious. After all, I don't want the government to interfere with my trans-fats, my light bulbs, or my ovaries, the last thing I want them to do is get involved in something really important like my salt and pepper consumption.
And, for the record, neither salt nor pepper was wasted for the purposes of this highly scientific demonstration. Said salt and pepper were poured into my salad to be enjoyed with fifteen other pepper packets worth of pepper! Well except for the renegades that escaped when I was using my line making device.