Thursday, November 29, 2007

NaBloPoMo, xxix

I found myself getting totally annoyed on my drive to work this morning. It has happened before, and I am sure it will happen again. Anywho, in an effort to lower my (I'm sure it was skyrocketing) blood pressure, I drafted a mental list of ...

Six (such a queer and random number, but it worked at the time) Things That Tick Me Off When Driving.

6. Poor blinker usage. Using it is great. But turning it on, in and of itself, doesn't give you the right to cut me off. If you smash into me, saying you had your blinker on isn't gonna save you.

5. Slllllooooooowwwww ddddrrrriiiivvveeerrrrssss. Yes, we are on regular non-highway roads. But for fuk's sake, GO THE SPEED LIMIT.

4. Mini-vans. What the hell is it with mini-van drivers? They are either maniacs or putzs. They speed or they dawdle. They ride your ass or you end up riding their's. They're too tall for us regular car driving folk to see around or through so you never know what the hell is going on in front of them. Is there a reason they are driving like a turd? Dunno, can't see. This latter part also applies to SUV's. Though they as a group don't tend to drive as poorly as the mini-van crowd, it is annoying when you can't see what is happening up ahead because of their big ass vehicle.

3. The right lane. It use to be a special place. A place for the daring. A place for the speeder. Those of us crazy kids that wanted to go a tad bit faster, well, we could use the right lane to pass the regular folk in the left lane. Apparently those good ole days are gone because now the right lane is full of people who want to futz along somewhere around and maybe, just maybe, at the speed limit. This has the fantastic effect of creating a huge pack of angry drivers all wanting to pass someone, anyone, just get me the hell away from this asshole!

2. Unable to maintainers. How is it that so many people are unable to maintain their speed? They go twenty, they go fifty. One minute you are being left in the dust, another you are almost smacking into them.

1. Box blockers. There is a saying in New York, "don't block the box." It means that you don't chill out in the middle of an intersection when your lane of traffic has stopped. If you do this, you block the people who are going the other direction when the light finally changes and you are stuck in the exact same spot in the middle of the intersection. I believe this should have some sort of biblical, eye-for-an-eye punishment. Forget a fine. You deserved to be rammed, demolition derby style ... You can't go? Well neither can I, but you tried and now so am I. Whoops! Did I just smush you brand new Beemer? Tee hee, sorry!

So those are Six Things That Tick Me Off When Driving. Feel free to add your own, or even create your own list. I am sure I could come up with sixty if push came to shove.

Hopefully I won't encounter the same asshole contingent when I leave work today. I'm leaving early (sweet!) because today we have (another) ultrasound/sonogram (I'm not sure what the difference is or which is the correct term and I tend to use them interchangeably) during which we hope to find out if the bean has a proverbial hot dog or hamburger. I'm trying not to get too excited since the last time we tried, the bean was uncooperative. This does not mean, however, that the husband and I have not spent a somewhat embarrassing amount of time yelling inspirational phrases (phrases like, "Show your stuff!" or "Don't be shy!" or "Tell us what you are hot stuff!" or "You better cooperate or else your grounded and that means NO T.V.!") at my stomach. We have. The question is, will the inspirational phrases work. I mean come on, I am, well, I am what I am, and what I am is one of those people who needs to know the gender of her offspring before the offspring is actually delivered. I'm not sure I can handle being kept in the dark.

Even with this ultrasound approaching, and the due date looming in my future, I haven't really felt all that pregnant or like I'm going to be someone's parent. Me, I am just gestating peacefully over here, minding my own business, going on with the day-to-day. I haven't had any super urges to decorate or nest and my knitting, well, it is still one hundred percent self-centered. And, for the record, I am totally cool with this. Recently though, well on Thanksgiving morning actually, I felt the first movement that I could definitively say was the bean's and not the broccoli from dinner the night before (yummm, broccoli, I could totally dig on some broccoli right now). Since then, I can feel the bean moving around a lot more. This is both cool and weird. I find that this jumbling around is neat and makes me smile, but it also makes me cringe a bit because dude, it's slamming into my organs and stuff with a decent amount of force. This can't be good for either one of us. I'll be la-la-la-ing along, typing or something when, THWACK, someone just poked me in the [insert internal organ here] and realize, hey, I'm pregnant!

1 comment:

The Knitting Blog by Mr Puffy the Dog said...

On the LA freeways I'm convinced that turning on your "turn signal" when you need to change lanes is the equivalent of announcing "I'm a crippled wildabeast" and the drivers purposely speed up or slow down to thwart your ability to do so. In other words, if you are so weak that you need to "single" to turn lanes they aren't going to help you out. Life in LA ain't for the faint of heart!