Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I Knew It!

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Midland

"You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.

The South
The Inland North
The Northeast
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

See, y'all! I don't have a Southern accent. You're hearing things! You are not, however, seeing things. At least not things in the form of knitting. I have been working on the never-ending-sweater. The sweater that could clothe an entire army. THAT sweater. I have the entire back finished and 90% of the front is done too. For the record, each "body" part, that is the portion from the bottom to where the arm holes start has 10,560 stitches. I had to count the rows to make sure they line up for seaming - I'm not actually some crazy math girl (in fact I am quite the opposite, a somewhat crazy NON-math girl who needs to use the fingers and toes of her tablemates in order to figure out the tip at a restaurant which is why any and all math calculations relating to my sweater have been performed by someone other than me). In any event, I am thinking that my sweater is at about 30,000 stitches thus far. THAT IS A LOT!

I think the sleeves should be pretty quick and easy. Mentally I equate them to a pair of socks. Really long full socks. But socks all the same. It may be delusional, or silly, but as soon as I finish my neck hole, I am going to take a break and go back to the wrap thing I started in a Oh-Good-God-If-I-Have-To-Look-At-Another-Rust-Colored-Knit-Stitch-I-May-Start-Bleeding-From-The-Eyes moment.

The wrap thing is the most yum-o-rific yarn - silk and mohair, need I say more?

I bought it when I finished my sock class in a moment of weakness. Evey time I would leave the class I would walk by and touch it and whisper to it. Sometimes it would whisper back. Spendy would pray that it would be there the next time I was in so that I could snatch it up. Thrifty would pray that it had found some other home. I had been good about not buying it until I went back to the shop to ask about the casting off the sock business. I saw it again and I must have whimpered because the shop owner, she snared me. She happened to have a one skein wrap pattern that was written FOR THAT EXACT YARN right there and she would give it to me FOR FREE, if I wanted the yarn. So, I decided that it really wasn't that expensive since I only needed one skein AND I was getting a pattern for FREE; it was practical. I only needed the one skein and I could be in soft yummy bliss. EXCEPT, once I started working on it, it was too narrow, more scarf than wrap. I was not thrilled. I played with it and made different shapes and patterns and was unhappy and then one thing led to another and I have since purchased another skein. I think there was some rationalization, or maybe just some crazy, because I convinced myself that I really should make the wrap the way I liked it since the yarn was so nice and expensive - to do otherwise would be a waste - so, really, I should spend more money and get more yarn since I was already in the hole and God I can't even type this without cringing at my own insanity. And, as if I wasn't insane enough to buy another skein of the silk yummy, I also bought the same colorway in the sock yarn. What the hell? There must be pheromones in that yarn or something. In my own defense, I will say that other people love this colorway too.

Oh, and as to the goodies in the bag from the great blue seductress:

It's the "Venetian Link Bracelet." I feel very worldly. Venice is in Italy. It is like I went to Italy, only, I never had to leave and I didn't get jet lag and I didn't have to buy a English/Italian dictionary. I also didn't get any authentic Italian food (though I hear that pasta is actually Chinese in origin?!?) which is a bit of a bummer.

I don't have any of my own pictures of either my bracelet or my yarn so I have borrowed these ones from their makers. I may get some shit for this (although my use is not for profit so really, I am quite harmless) if said makers find my little blog with their pictures on it but that is ok because today, I am all about the shit. Well not shit in the literal sense, more metaphorical.

Yes, this is where I start to talk about my septic system - again. Only not the system so much as the wack job neighbor who called my house a 6:30 in the A friggin M to talk about septic systems, sewer lines and such. We have a neighbor, well a lady who is 70 if a day, who we refer to as "the old lady in the black house," who lives on our street. She has the most beautiful yard despite the fact that her house, it is black. People, her lawn will bring a tear to your eye it is so nice. Now neither Boo nor I have met her, but I have waved at her army of lawn men when they are out doing their thing and, I have waved at her when I see her outside forcefully removing that one blade of grass that is not of the sheer perfection of the others. Now based on the repeated waves, I had no idea that she was wackadoodle. But this morning she called my house at six thirty in the morning. Wackadoodle. Case closed.

Ms. Wackadoodle, she called to apologize for never coming over to introduce herself and she just wanted to mention that she doesn't want a sewer line. Um, pardon? You want to introduce yourself at 6:30 a.m., over the phone - and how in the hell did you get my phone number anyway - two freaking years after we moved in? And, not only that, you want to let us know that you don't want a sewer line, just in case, you know, we had a hankering to go out and, um, put one in your yard? Wackadoodle says she doesn't want a sewer line because when they put it in they DIG! IN YOUR YARD! Heaven forbid! Digging! In the yard! Oh, also, Wackadoodle "knows" that our septic system is "top of the line." Is there really a rating system for this type of thing? Can you save some bucks and get a mid-level septic system? Does she have septic system envy, or is she just trying to butter us up with flattery? If so, it totally backfired. You called my house so early that IT WAS STILL DARK OUTSIDE to tell me you don't want a sewer line put in our street? If I didn't want a sewer line before I sure as hell do now because YOU JUST CALLED ME AT 6:30AM!


Suz said...

Do I need to put your credit cards in the freezer? Or did you win the lottery or receive a hefty inheritance? Hehehehe

A South Park Republican said...

What can I tell ya? Spendy is a bad bad girl! Tee Hee!