I said to Boo, "Wow! That is my kind of Advent Calendar. You do a shot a day until Christmas!" To which he replied, "Um babe, your heritage is showing ... those are for votives."
Friday, November 28, 2008
Me Like Booze
So we went out for Black Friday and were just poking around when I saw these at Pottery Barn ...
I said to Boo, "Wow! That is my kind of Advent Calendar. You do a shot a day until Christmas!" To which he replied, "Um babe, your heritage is showing ... those are for votives."
I said to Boo, "Wow! That is my kind of Advent Calendar. You do a shot a day until Christmas!" To which he replied, "Um babe, your heritage is showing ... those are for votives."
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Cubed
Question One: So when I came home today, it was to find a package waiting for me, or rather, waiting for Lady Bean. And it was from Crazy! Just when you thought we were done getting gifts from Crazy and it was safe to check the mail ...
So, do I open it now or do I wait to open it until we "set up XMAS tree" as directed on the bottom of the mailing label? Also, cool or creepy that she is still sending LB gifts?
Question Two: I mucked up LB's C'mas stocking.
What? You don't see the goof? Here, look again.
I zigged when I should have zagged. So obviously, I need to rip back. But do I rip back to the beginning and start all over? Maybe do it toe up and make the "snow flakes" face the same way they do on the picture of the stocking. Yah, I KNOW. It totally annoys me that the picture was obviously knit toe up while the pattern is written toe down. I don't think one looks better than the other. It just makes me twitchy that they won't be the same. Also, I think LB's name could be fatter. Maybe two rows instead of one. Sounds like I may have already answered this question, eh?
Question Three: How long do green peas stay in one's system?
So, do I open it now or do I wait to open it until we "set up XMAS tree" as directed on the bottom of the mailing label? Also, cool or creepy that she is still sending LB gifts?
Question Two: I mucked up LB's C'mas stocking.
What? You don't see the goof? Here, look again.
I zigged when I should have zagged. So obviously, I need to rip back. But do I rip back to the beginning and start all over? Maybe do it toe up and make the "snow flakes" face the same way they do on the picture of the stocking. Yah, I KNOW. It totally annoys me that the picture was obviously knit toe up while the pattern is written toe down. I don't think one looks better than the other. It just makes me twitchy that they won't be the same. Also, I think LB's name could be fatter. Maybe two rows instead of one. Sounds like I may have already answered this question, eh?
Question Three: How long do green peas stay in one's system?
Monday, November 17, 2008
V is for ...
Various tidbits. Not necessarily interesting, but definitely varied.
*********************
Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, is a schmuck and I hope he gets spanked hard. This is a lot of hate to have for a random stranger, but I am okay with that.
*********************
The IRS owes us a thousand bucks that we overpaid. Karma: You ain't gettin it Mrs. Hatey Hatemonger, enjoy your spanking.
*********************
Knitting colorwork from a chart is easy. Much easier than knitting lace from a chart. Unless, of course, you are color blind. Then it probably sucks.
*********************
LB has teeth ... two of them poking their way in. Next week she'll be graduating from high school and by Christmas she'll be married.
*********************
In response to the proposed bailout, Bailout II, one which should help "make more credit available," I say, "Brilliant!" I mean obviously we should lend out more money, because now is time when people and institutions need more credit. After all, they are doing such a good job paying back the shit they already owe. Really though, I'm sure this time it will be different.
*********************
We've been teaching Lady Bean how to give Eskimo kisses. Only when she comes at you, she lowers her brow and opens her mouth. It comes across creepy and child molesterish. Not exactly what we were going for.
I obtained this image from here via Google. I think that means I can use it ... ???
*********************
Two days ago I woke up at 7:00 a.m. By 4:00 p.m. I had: found a dead mouse in the toilet, been pooped on (human), been puked on (feline), given a split lip (human), found a poop on the floor (origin uncertain), and stepped in puke (feline). Nonetheless, it wasn't until I was forced to console, coddle, and sing to twenty-two pounds of pissed off, not going to sleep, head-butting baby for an hour during which my baking brie turned into burning brie that I considered my day a dud. Don't fuk with the brie, that's all I'm sayin'.
*********************
If we really need to have a bailout, I propose another type. A bailout of our student loans. If the government bails out Boo and my student loans, I'll stimulate the economy with the purchase of a Porsche. This is a promise.
*********************
The phrase "stimulating the economy" sounds dirty.
*********************
I've started compiling a list of songs that I will have to ban in the next few months as they are not things a baby should repeat. There are a few though, that I have been able to re-write. For example, Offspring's You'll Go Far Kid, it's "dance trucker dance" instead of "dance fucker dance." Not sure why I'm yelling at a trucker to dance, or how the Offspring would feel about this.
Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, is a schmuck and I hope he gets spanked hard. This is a lot of hate to have for a random stranger, but I am okay with that.
The IRS owes us a thousand bucks that we overpaid. Karma: You ain't gettin it Mrs. Hatey Hatemonger, enjoy your spanking.
Knitting colorwork from a chart is easy. Much easier than knitting lace from a chart. Unless, of course, you are color blind. Then it probably sucks.
LB has teeth ... two of them poking their way in. Next week she'll be graduating from high school and by Christmas she'll be married.
In response to the proposed bailout, Bailout II, one which should help "make more credit available," I say, "Brilliant!" I mean obviously we should lend out more money, because now is time when people and institutions need more credit. After all, they are doing such a good job paying back the shit they already owe. Really though, I'm sure this time it will be different.
We've been teaching Lady Bean how to give Eskimo kisses. Only when she comes at you, she lowers her brow and opens her mouth. It comes across creepy and child molesterish. Not exactly what we were going for.
I obtained this image from here via Google. I think that means I can use it ... ???Two days ago I woke up at 7:00 a.m. By 4:00 p.m. I had: found a dead mouse in the toilet, been pooped on (human), been puked on (feline), given a split lip (human), found a poop on the floor (origin uncertain), and stepped in puke (feline). Nonetheless, it wasn't until I was forced to console, coddle, and sing to twenty-two pounds of pissed off, not going to sleep, head-butting baby for an hour during which my baking brie turned into burning brie that I considered my day a dud. Don't fuk with the brie, that's all I'm sayin'.
If we really need to have a bailout, I propose another type. A bailout of our student loans. If the government bails out Boo and my student loans, I'll stimulate the economy with the purchase of a Porsche. This is a promise.
The phrase "stimulating the economy" sounds dirty.
I've started compiling a list of songs that I will have to ban in the next few months as they are not things a baby should repeat. There are a few though, that I have been able to re-write. For example, Offspring's You'll Go Far Kid, it's "dance trucker dance" instead of "dance fucker dance." Not sure why I'm yelling at a trucker to dance, or how the Offspring would feel about this.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Blitzkrieg
Yesterday I was attacked by wild turkeys. No shit! Dogbert and I were outside when BAM wild friggen turkeys came flying off of MY OWN ROOF to dive bomb us (also, Dogbert = Pansy). Anywho, I got over this trauma and forgot to tell Boo this until we were watching a Louis CK comedy special (FUNNY!) about six hours after he'd been home. When I told my husband this he was appropriately horrified and yet amused that it had taken me this long to tell him. Later, when I showed him the pictures, he changed his mind and decided that Dogbert wasn't the only pansy! I believe, dear internet, that if you look at that pictures, understanding that I had wild friggen turkeys FLYING AT MY HEAD and it wasn't exactly a primo photo-op, you will see things as I do. To wit ...
I had heard something funny upstairs when putting LB down for her nap. I didn't really think about it though and went about my business. Once she was down, I went downstairs to the computer, ready to check my-email and make a C'mas Wish List for LB when I looked up and saw a turkey in the back yard.
Now I'm not particularly bloodthirsty, and I don't have some odd poultry aversion, I do, however, harbor much hate for the wild turkeys lurking in my hood. You see these little shits are dumb. DUMB DUMB DUMB. They block the roads and when you beep, they don't move. No. They just laze around. Annoying though it is, I had my SCREW YOU TURKEYS moment when they blocked my street and driveway and wouldn't let me come home. And I totally had to pee. I almost peed in the car and it was all their fault. So turkeys, only good on my plate, not in my yard. Which is why when I saw that turkey sitting there I thought, "Hmmm. I should let Dogbert out and have her chase the turkey away. Surely that will cause it to leave." And then I though it might be a cute photo-op, so I grabbed the camera and opened the door.
Dogbert and I walked out and I said, "Get 'em!" And Dogbert was all, "Huh?" She took maybe two steps towards it, not really sure what to do when we heard an unholy woosh and a mutherfukin turkey came flying off my mutherfukin roof!
And then there was another and another and they'd land and then chill like I wasn't shrieking, "Get em! Get 'em!" at my killer pooch next to me (which quite frankly is not surprising) ...
Because Dogbert was all, WHAT YOU TALKIN ABOUT WILLIS?
And then I stopped screaming and we hid until there were about twenty turkeys milling about. I had stopped taking pictures while we were hiding because there were turkeys, birds not meant for flight, flying all around us. And it was loud. And it was freaky. But the lack of photographic evidence of the attack of the killer turkeys does not mean that it wasn't horrific. It just means that I have a decent survival instinct.
So anyway, when all was said and done and the turkeys had made their way into the forest, I thought it was safe to come out. Dogbert concurred and actually left my side to do a perimeter check and take a wiz. And it was during this peaceful, idyllic, post-apocalyptic moment, that we heard a noise. A noise on the roof. A noise that triggered our post-traumatic stress response.
One of those fukers was still up on our roof. Needless to say, we turned tail and ran inside. We also may have locked the door because those turkeys may be dumb and lazy, but they may also be dexterous.
I had heard something funny upstairs when putting LB down for her nap. I didn't really think about it though and went about my business. Once she was down, I went downstairs to the computer, ready to check my-email and make a C'mas Wish List for LB when I looked up and saw a turkey in the back yard.
Now I'm not particularly bloodthirsty, and I don't have some odd poultry aversion, I do, however, harbor much hate for the wild turkeys lurking in my hood. You see these little shits are dumb. DUMB DUMB DUMB. They block the roads and when you beep, they don't move. No. They just laze around. Annoying though it is, I had my SCREW YOU TURKEYS moment when they blocked my street and driveway and wouldn't let me come home. And I totally had to pee. I almost peed in the car and it was all their fault. So turkeys, only good on my plate, not in my yard. Which is why when I saw that turkey sitting there I thought, "Hmmm. I should let Dogbert out and have her chase the turkey away. Surely that will cause it to leave." And then I though it might be a cute photo-op, so I grabbed the camera and opened the door.
Dogbert and I walked out and I said, "Get 'em!" And Dogbert was all, "Huh?" She took maybe two steps towards it, not really sure what to do when we heard an unholy woosh and a mutherfukin turkey came flying off my mutherfukin roof!
And then there was another and another and they'd land and then chill like I wasn't shrieking, "Get em! Get 'em!" at my killer pooch next to me (which quite frankly is not surprising) ...
Because Dogbert was all, WHAT YOU TALKIN ABOUT WILLIS?
And then I stopped screaming and we hid until there were about twenty turkeys milling about. I had stopped taking pictures while we were hiding because there were turkeys, birds not meant for flight, flying all around us. And it was loud. And it was freaky. But the lack of photographic evidence of the attack of the killer turkeys does not mean that it wasn't horrific. It just means that I have a decent survival instinct.
So anyway, when all was said and done and the turkeys had made their way into the forest, I thought it was safe to come out. Dogbert concurred and actually left my side to do a perimeter check and take a wiz. And it was during this peaceful, idyllic, post-apocalyptic moment, that we heard a noise. A noise on the roof. A noise that triggered our post-traumatic stress response.
One of those fukers was still up on our roof. Needless to say, we turned tail and ran inside. We also may have locked the door because those turkeys may be dumb and lazy, but they may also be dexterous.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
U is for ...
Uh oh! I ordered a stocking kit for Lady Bean and was totally psyched when it arrived today. Totally psyched until I opened the kit that is ...
Me thinks I may have bitten off more that I can chew! Color work, charts, upside down charts!?! Uh-friggen-oh! The company that makes the kit noted in a dozen different places that you can contact it if you have questions ... that's a good thing! I have until December 24th to get this baby done, which is may still be cutting it close since not only am I skillz challenged, I am needle challenged too. I cast on last night and decided I needed to get smaller needles. I am a loosey-goosey knitter so even though I started on a US 5, the smaller size recommended, I feel like it looks a little loose. Ugg. Needles shopping, technique learning, this is going to be interesting!
Me thinks I may have bitten off more that I can chew! Color work, charts, upside down charts!?! Uh-friggen-oh! The company that makes the kit noted in a dozen different places that you can contact it if you have questions ... that's a good thing! I have until December 24th to get this baby done, which is may still be cutting it close since not only am I skillz challenged, I am needle challenged too. I cast on last night and decided I needed to get smaller needles. I am a loosey-goosey knitter so even though I started on a US 5, the smaller size recommended, I feel like it looks a little loose. Ugg. Needles shopping, technique learning, this is going to be interesting!
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Ragamuffin
No more teasing ...
One baby raglan sweater DONE! Of course, now that she has a sweater the weather has become decidedly warmer. It is nice knowing I have this much power over global warming. Call me Obama, you need not spend gazillions of our dollars on your green projects, I got this global warming thing covered!
But back to the sweater. It was an incredibly easy knit. And, if I wasn't so gefilte at seaming, I would make it over and over again. Especially since it not only will keep LB warm, it will also entertain her!
The rolled band was a little hinky when all was said and done. I assume this was my knitting, tension, and such and that a more advanced knitter could fix that glitch, or avoid it all together. Anywho, it rolled a lot more on the bottom than elsewhere, and it didn't roll uniformly, but I seemed to have fixed most of that with blocking. It still doesn't roll exactly evenly, but it isn't so far off that I scream "EGADS!" when I see it. I also ended up tacking down the rolls on the neck at each raglan seam. This stabilized the roll and made it more uniform. This also made the neck hole a little larger, which, it turns out, is perfect for our needs. I envision this as a going-over-other-stuff, almost outerwear, sweater. So a big head hole is good. Also, it makes it easier to get the Bean into it.
This sweater was an awesomely quick knit. Nonetheless, it still took me two inches too long. Which is to say, when I started this sweater LB had a twenty inch belly. When I finished it, she had a twenty-two inch belly. This was bad as the sweater was a wee bit tight on the gut. Even though it was quick to knit, I didn't want to do it over again. So, instead of ripping out or re-doing, I rigged it. I knit two two inch pieces and then seemed them into the sides.
It is only noticeable on close inspection or if you lay the sweater flat. Thank you busy-pattern furry yarn for your camouflaging properties. Overall I am pleased with this and expect that it will get a lot of use. You know, if it ever gets cold again. Or rather, cold before someone has a twenty-five inch belly!
Yarn: Filatura Di Crosa, Sympathie, Color 3, Lot 3082, 3.5 skeins (note: I double-stranded the yarn). I think this yarn may be discontinued - it was from my aunt's stash. It is 45% wool, 35% mohair and 20% acrylic.
Needles: Susan Bates Circ, size 5.0 mm (US 8)
Pattern: Raglan Sweater, Debbie Bliss, The Baby Knits Book
Modifications: Added a two-inch placket (seven st. wide) to each side seem.
Time: Not sure - about two weeks.
Care: Hand wash cold and dry flat in shade or dry clean.
One baby raglan sweater DONE! Of course, now that she has a sweater the weather has become decidedly warmer. It is nice knowing I have this much power over global warming. Call me Obama, you need not spend gazillions of our dollars on your green projects, I got this global warming thing covered!
But back to the sweater. It was an incredibly easy knit. And, if I wasn't so gefilte at seaming, I would make it over and over again. Especially since it not only will keep LB warm, it will also entertain her!
The rolled band was a little hinky when all was said and done. I assume this was my knitting, tension, and such and that a more advanced knitter could fix that glitch, or avoid it all together. Anywho, it rolled a lot more on the bottom than elsewhere, and it didn't roll uniformly, but I seemed to have fixed most of that with blocking. It still doesn't roll exactly evenly, but it isn't so far off that I scream "EGADS!" when I see it. I also ended up tacking down the rolls on the neck at each raglan seam. This stabilized the roll and made it more uniform. This also made the neck hole a little larger, which, it turns out, is perfect for our needs. I envision this as a going-over-other-stuff, almost outerwear, sweater. So a big head hole is good. Also, it makes it easier to get the Bean into it.
This sweater was an awesomely quick knit. Nonetheless, it still took me two inches too long. Which is to say, when I started this sweater LB had a twenty inch belly. When I finished it, she had a twenty-two inch belly. This was bad as the sweater was a wee bit tight on the gut. Even though it was quick to knit, I didn't want to do it over again. So, instead of ripping out or re-doing, I rigged it. I knit two two inch pieces and then seemed them into the sides.
It is only noticeable on close inspection or if you lay the sweater flat. Thank you busy-pattern furry yarn for your camouflaging properties. Overall I am pleased with this and expect that it will get a lot of use. You know, if it ever gets cold again. Or rather, cold before someone has a twenty-five inch belly!
Yarn: Filatura Di Crosa, Sympathie, Color 3, Lot 3082, 3.5 skeins (note: I double-stranded the yarn). I think this yarn may be discontinued - it was from my aunt's stash. It is 45% wool, 35% mohair and 20% acrylic.
Needles: Susan Bates Circ, size 5.0 mm (US 8)
Pattern: Raglan Sweater, Debbie Bliss, The Baby Knits Book
Modifications: Added a two-inch placket (seven st. wide) to each side seem.
Time: Not sure - about two weeks.
Care: Hand wash cold and dry flat in shade or dry clean.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
T is for ...
Tease.
I'm quite melancholy since the election results came in and so I decided that I needed some fun. I cranked the air conditioning and had Lady Bean model for a photo shoot of the sweater. Nothing like a model blowing raspberries at you to cheer you up. Until I get around to doing the finished object shots, here is a teaser ...
Sweater, pre-blocking, with wonky bottom roll:
Sweater, post-blocking, with slightly less wonky bottom roll:
I'm quite melancholy since the election results came in and so I decided that I needed some fun. I cranked the air conditioning and had Lady Bean model for a photo shoot of the sweater. Nothing like a model blowing raspberries at you to cheer you up. Until I get around to doing the finished object shots, here is a teaser ...
Sweater, pre-blocking, with wonky bottom roll:
Sweater, post-blocking, with slightly less wonky bottom roll:
Delayed
I had intended to take a cute animal picture and post it with some "Happy Halloween" sentiments. Unfortunately the only sentiment I seemed to capture was one in which it looks like Cat is dropping a deuce in a candy bowl ...
In other news the sweater is done and blocked and waiting for a day cool enough to be worn and photographed.
In other news the sweater is done and blocked and waiting for a day cool enough to be worn and photographed.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Practical
Boo: What are you guys going to do today?
Me: I'm thinking H.
Boo: Ok. Make sure you don't share needles.
Me: Not even LB and me?
Boo: Nope. It's never too soon to teach her good needle hygiene.
And, in other news, the sweater is done. I just have to seam!
Me: I'm thinking H.
Boo: Ok. Make sure you don't share needles.
Me: Not even LB and me?
Boo: Nope. It's never too soon to teach her good needle hygiene.
And, in other news, the sweater is done. I just have to seam!
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Over-Under
I am currently working on a sweater for LB, the Bee Fields Shawl, and a triangle shawl that I really don't like and will probably frog. That being said, I really want to finish the sweater, so that I can make LB a hat, and then knit her a Christmas stocking. If I knit for an average of two hours, twice a week at SnB, what is the likelihood LB will have her handknit stocking hanging by the chimney with care come Christmas? For the purposes of this question, be advised that the stocking has a lot of colorwork and I have never done color work. It is also charted, and I've never used a chart. Oh, and I have to spell out and chart her name too. And, is there any chance I will be wearing the Bee Fields while we open presents?
Yah, I know, STOP LAUGHING. Denial, it just ain't a river in Egypt.
Yah, I know, STOP LAUGHING. Denial, it just ain't a river in Egypt.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Progressive
I was reading Lady Bean some nursery rhymes from my copy of The Real Mother Goose. My copy, as in the copy that was given to me in 1974, and is old and yellowed. Anywho, we were reading and came a cross Robin and Richard.
I thought it was awesome. Two men in bed together, in a children's book? How very progressive for the 70's!
I also came across this ...
and giggled like a little boy. Hehe, it says cock.
I thought it was awesome. Two men in bed together, in a children's book? How very progressive for the 70's!
I also came across this ...
and giggled like a little boy. Hehe, it says cock.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Repose
LB is sick which means she isn't sleeping through the night. Which means I am not sleeping through the night. This was doable as a co-ed. As a parent, it BLOWS. Yesterday morning I loaded up my toothbrush with face soap. Normally this would be a "that sucks, need more sleep" type if thing. I'd wash off my toothbrush and start over. Which was what I did. Except it sucks extra-hardcore since I now have to traverse to New Friggen York City to buy may face soap, a face soap sold in drugstores ... Damn you Connecticut! And damn you Bubbles too! How dare you introduce me to an awesome drugstore type of face soap that is reasonably priced and works wicked well on my overly-acne-prone skin. That's right. Get me good and hooked on a totally normal mainstream product and then BAM quit selling it in my state. SERENITY NOW! Oops, I digress.
So, sick kid, not sleeping through the night for four birthcontrol-inducing nights, doctor's appointment, diagnosis: respiratory virus and ear infection, prescription: amoxicillin and "taking it easy for a day or two." Which brings me to my point ...
Taking it easy, baby style:
Go to bed at 7:00 p.m. Cuddle down in soft footy pajamas, with soothing sound of vaporizer gurgling like a creek in the background and the refreshing, snot-clearing smell of menthol wafting through the air.
Taking it easy, parent style:
After putting baby to sleep, grab glass of wine and collapse on couch. Realize shirt stuck to upper chest with baby's mucous. Shrug and drink some wine. Ponder getting your knitting out from way WAY far across room. Realize that if you are going to get up to get knitting, you might as well go wash dinner dishes and bottles and get that chore over with. Go wash dishes. Break ridonculously expensive glass baby bottle in sink. Cut finger. Drop the F bomb. Thrice. Decide knitting and wine was way to go. Finish dishes. How is it 9:45 p.m. already? Decide to check e-mail. Computer sucks you in ... Holy crap, it's 11:30 p.m. Decide to go to bed having not knit or finished wine. Forgo any real nightly hygiene ritual (hell, face soap is at a premium anyway) and instead fall into bed with mucous matted shirt. Fall asleep at midnight.
Taking it easy, baby style:
Wake up screaming at 12:10 a.m. Feel crappy and want to spread the crap.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Jerked awake after just falling asleep. Realize this is going to be a LONG night.
Taking it easy, baby style:
After being changed, fed, and rocked, scream and cry. Keep screaming and crying. Scream and cry self hoarse. May be because miserable. May be because mom's singing voice sucks and needs to be drowned out. May be soothing creek and refreshing menthol are now annoying. May be just nighttime fun. Fall asleep cradled in arms of mom. Scream when she approaches crib as if crib is the root of all evil and HATE HATE HATE. Mental telepathy to Mama: Taking it easy means you carry me Clown! Rinse and repeat until so tired can not muster screaming or crying anymore. Snuggle into crib like there was never any hate.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Deal with sick and screaming baby. Vow never to have sex again. Hours become blur. Hips sore from walking laps with twenty pounds of baby. Realize baby is asleep for real. Dump her in crib and weave down hall into own bed. Fall face first onto cat who has taken your spot. Drift asleep with mouth full of cat fur.
Taking it easy, baby style:
Wake up at 7:00 a.m. chipper and bright. Coo and giggle.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Hear baby waking. Start mental chant, "ten more minutes, ten more minutes." Hope it works like Good Parking Karma chant.
Taking it easy, baby style:
Realize the Clown is not coming after two minutes of cooing and start to scream.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Damn you Karma!
Taking it easy, baby style:
Get changed, fed, and fluffed into new pair of clean, sweet smelling, soft footie jammies. Roll on bed and chase cat. Pluck cat fur. Wonder why dog stays three feet away at all times. Rub eyes and yawn in subtle sign that naptime is immanent. Gently carried to crib where screaming commences. Want Clown to know would rather be playing. Fall asleep after two minutes of screaming since point was made. Take nap.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Put baby down for nap. Decide to nap too, being last night was rough. But first, check e-mail and FaceBook. As approaching computer, decide to put load of laundry in first. Sort, dump, and set washer. Realize stuff is in the dryer. Hit "touch up." Add another ten minutes to the twenty given for touch up. Should be able to check e-mail and FaceBook in thirty minutes. Go to computer. Forgot coffee. While pouring coffee, decide to start cooking sweet potatoes for baby food while on computer. Ponder this Betty Crocker turn and shake head in mystification. Scrub and nuke potatoes. Return to computer, with coffee, while potatoes nuking, open browser, hear baby start to fuss. Turn volume down on monitor as if this might make baby stop fussing. Holy crap! It works! Return to keyboard. Potatoes done nuking. Get up to take them out of microwave as dryer buzzes. Fold clothes. Put in next load as baby starts to wake up and demands cuddles. Realize opportunity to nap has gone the way of the dinosaur.
I could go on, but really, you get my point. Only one of us is taking it easy. That same one is also cracking the whip for the Clown.
So, sick kid, not sleeping through the night for four birthcontrol-inducing nights, doctor's appointment, diagnosis: respiratory virus and ear infection, prescription: amoxicillin and "taking it easy for a day or two." Which brings me to my point ...
Taking it easy, baby style:
Go to bed at 7:00 p.m. Cuddle down in soft footy pajamas, with soothing sound of vaporizer gurgling like a creek in the background and the refreshing, snot-clearing smell of menthol wafting through the air.
Taking it easy, parent style:
After putting baby to sleep, grab glass of wine and collapse on couch. Realize shirt stuck to upper chest with baby's mucous. Shrug and drink some wine. Ponder getting your knitting out from way WAY far across room. Realize that if you are going to get up to get knitting, you might as well go wash dinner dishes and bottles and get that chore over with. Go wash dishes. Break ridonculously expensive glass baby bottle in sink. Cut finger. Drop the F bomb. Thrice. Decide knitting and wine was way to go. Finish dishes. How is it 9:45 p.m. already? Decide to check e-mail. Computer sucks you in ... Holy crap, it's 11:30 p.m. Decide to go to bed having not knit or finished wine. Forgo any real nightly hygiene ritual (hell, face soap is at a premium anyway) and instead fall into bed with mucous matted shirt. Fall asleep at midnight.
Taking it easy, baby style:
Wake up screaming at 12:10 a.m. Feel crappy and want to spread the crap.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Jerked awake after just falling asleep. Realize this is going to be a LONG night.
Taking it easy, baby style:
After being changed, fed, and rocked, scream and cry. Keep screaming and crying. Scream and cry self hoarse. May be because miserable. May be because mom's singing voice sucks and needs to be drowned out. May be soothing creek and refreshing menthol are now annoying. May be just nighttime fun. Fall asleep cradled in arms of mom. Scream when she approaches crib as if crib is the root of all evil and HATE HATE HATE. Mental telepathy to Mama: Taking it easy means you carry me Clown! Rinse and repeat until so tired can not muster screaming or crying anymore. Snuggle into crib like there was never any hate.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Deal with sick and screaming baby. Vow never to have sex again. Hours become blur. Hips sore from walking laps with twenty pounds of baby. Realize baby is asleep for real. Dump her in crib and weave down hall into own bed. Fall face first onto cat who has taken your spot. Drift asleep with mouth full of cat fur.
Taking it easy, baby style:
Wake up at 7:00 a.m. chipper and bright. Coo and giggle.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Hear baby waking. Start mental chant, "ten more minutes, ten more minutes." Hope it works like Good Parking Karma chant.
Taking it easy, baby style:
Realize the Clown is not coming after two minutes of cooing and start to scream.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Damn you Karma!
Taking it easy, baby style:
Get changed, fed, and fluffed into new pair of clean, sweet smelling, soft footie jammies. Roll on bed and chase cat. Pluck cat fur. Wonder why dog stays three feet away at all times. Rub eyes and yawn in subtle sign that naptime is immanent. Gently carried to crib where screaming commences. Want Clown to know would rather be playing. Fall asleep after two minutes of screaming since point was made. Take nap.
Taking it easy, parent style:
Put baby down for nap. Decide to nap too, being last night was rough. But first, check e-mail and FaceBook. As approaching computer, decide to put load of laundry in first. Sort, dump, and set washer. Realize stuff is in the dryer. Hit "touch up." Add another ten minutes to the twenty given for touch up. Should be able to check e-mail and FaceBook in thirty minutes. Go to computer. Forgot coffee. While pouring coffee, decide to start cooking sweet potatoes for baby food while on computer. Ponder this Betty Crocker turn and shake head in mystification. Scrub and nuke potatoes. Return to computer, with coffee, while potatoes nuking, open browser, hear baby start to fuss. Turn volume down on monitor as if this might make baby stop fussing. Holy crap! It works! Return to keyboard. Potatoes done nuking. Get up to take them out of microwave as dryer buzzes. Fold clothes. Put in next load as baby starts to wake up and demands cuddles. Realize opportunity to nap has gone the way of the dinosaur.
I could go on, but really, you get my point. Only one of us is taking it easy. That same one is also cracking the whip for the Clown.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
S is for ...
Socks! I knit LB socks from some cursed yarn from my stash. Originally, the yarn was to be socks for myself but then my yarn was hit by a car and the socks, well the sock remnants, were tossed into the frog pond. Now that my heart no longer leaps into a gallop at the sight of the yarn, I decided to turn it into some baby socks.
The socks have been done for several weeks now but I haven't been able to share because trying to photograph the socks on LB was damn near impossible. I wedged her into the Bumbo (a foam seat which you can use to help babies sit up by themselves when they can't actually, you know, sit up by themselves). LB's thighs are a little large for the Bumbo. Getting her in is no problem. Getting her out usually requires some grease. It is effective though, in keeping her put, because no matter how hard she bucks like a bronco, she can't get out. Wahahaha. Nonetheless, having her contained in the Bumbo wasn't actually all that useful for the picture taking thing because, well ...
When she does sit still, it's because she's getting into mischief, or rather grabbing at her sock-clad feet! Maybe if I had put the socks on her earlier in the day and then just stuck her in, she would not have figured out my intent. Live and learn. Anyway, I gave up on getting her to model and approached the dog. She was not pleased, but agreed to model.
Unfortunately her feet are bigger, or rather, dog shaped and thus incompatible with human baby socks. Instead, I had her pull a Chuck.
Obviously she is no Chuck - she's not much of a 'balance things on her head' kinda gal. She pouts. But we got the shot. I probably will never get another like it because I forgot to give her a treat when I was done. Whoops.
In the end, I can tell you that I knit my baby some socks. It isn't because I totally love her lots, though I do. I knit them because I am too cheap to buy the Robeez that I like ($30 for a pair of shoes that will fit for what, 30 days? I don't think so) and the style I like doesn't come in the Fauxbeez. She has one pair of Robeez that EiC gave her and we love them. But they are pink and don't go with everything ... I can't believe I just said that. But it's true. The Mary Janes that I like are much more neutral. But I am cheap. So, I figure if my baby can't have the shoes all the cool kids have, well then, she can have some cool one-of-a-kind socks. Work with me.
Anywho, I did the toes first and then the foot. My standard approach. I didn't have any heel patterns with me when I needed them, so I went with an afterthought heel. It was my first afterthought heel and I misjudge the length so I had to make the heel a bit petite. It's fine though. Baby feet are squishy. I then did a rib with the absurd hope that this would cause the socks to stay on. I figure the rib would pull tight. It does, but grabby fingers can still get the things off. When the socks were done I decided to add an afterthought ruffle. Having never done a ruffle before I just kind of winged it. I picked up stitches and then knit each stitch front and back. For four rounds.
As you can see, I over winged it, making a JUMBO ruffle. Note-to-self: One or two rows of ruffle would have been adequate. Heck, three would have been quite nice. Four? Over kill. I wasn't about to rip it out though so jumbo ruffle it is.
LB loves the socks. She can't keep her hands off the ruffle which must mean they are winners. If only they fit for more than a month.
So, S is for sock!
Yarn: Madelinetosh Hand Dyed Sock Yarn, Sweat Peas
Needles: Addi Circs, size 2.5 mm (US 1)
Pattern: None - toe up sock, after thought heel, ruffle added after cast-off.
Modifications: n/a
Time: 10 days.
Care: Machine wash cold, air dry.
The socks have been done for several weeks now but I haven't been able to share because trying to photograph the socks on LB was damn near impossible. I wedged her into the Bumbo (a foam seat which you can use to help babies sit up by themselves when they can't actually, you know, sit up by themselves). LB's thighs are a little large for the Bumbo. Getting her in is no problem. Getting her out usually requires some grease. It is effective though, in keeping her put, because no matter how hard she bucks like a bronco, she can't get out. Wahahaha. Nonetheless, having her contained in the Bumbo wasn't actually all that useful for the picture taking thing because, well ...
When she does sit still, it's because she's getting into mischief, or rather grabbing at her sock-clad feet! Maybe if I had put the socks on her earlier in the day and then just stuck her in, she would not have figured out my intent. Live and learn. Anyway, I gave up on getting her to model and approached the dog. She was not pleased, but agreed to model.
Unfortunately her feet are bigger, or rather, dog shaped and thus incompatible with human baby socks. Instead, I had her pull a Chuck.
Obviously she is no Chuck - she's not much of a 'balance things on her head' kinda gal. She pouts. But we got the shot. I probably will never get another like it because I forgot to give her a treat when I was done. Whoops.
In the end, I can tell you that I knit my baby some socks. It isn't because I totally love her lots, though I do. I knit them because I am too cheap to buy the Robeez that I like ($30 for a pair of shoes that will fit for what, 30 days? I don't think so) and the style I like doesn't come in the Fauxbeez. She has one pair of Robeez that EiC gave her and we love them. But they are pink and don't go with everything ... I can't believe I just said that. But it's true. The Mary Janes that I like are much more neutral. But I am cheap. So, I figure if my baby can't have the shoes all the cool kids have, well then, she can have some cool one-of-a-kind socks. Work with me.
Anywho, I did the toes first and then the foot. My standard approach. I didn't have any heel patterns with me when I needed them, so I went with an afterthought heel. It was my first afterthought heel and I misjudge the length so I had to make the heel a bit petite. It's fine though. Baby feet are squishy. I then did a rib with the absurd hope that this would cause the socks to stay on. I figure the rib would pull tight. It does, but grabby fingers can still get the things off. When the socks were done I decided to add an afterthought ruffle. Having never done a ruffle before I just kind of winged it. I picked up stitches and then knit each stitch front and back. For four rounds.
As you can see, I over winged it, making a JUMBO ruffle. Note-to-self: One or two rows of ruffle would have been adequate. Heck, three would have been quite nice. Four? Over kill. I wasn't about to rip it out though so jumbo ruffle it is.
LB loves the socks. She can't keep her hands off the ruffle which must mean they are winners. If only they fit for more than a month.
So, S is for sock!
Yarn: Madelinetosh Hand Dyed Sock Yarn, Sweat Peas
Needles: Addi Circs, size 2.5 mm (US 1)
Pattern: None - toe up sock, after thought heel, ruffle added after cast-off.
Modifications: n/a
Time: 10 days.
Care: Machine wash cold, air dry.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
*&^$%&!*
Gah! Another year, another loss?!? Are you kidding me?
The Big Bad Wolf à la Grandma was PISSED!
Actually she wasn't. Or rather, she was pissed that we wouldn't stay and let her play with the other dogs after her disappointing finish. My poor Baby Girl, she was a loooooser. And, she lost to two store bought costumes which just burns my ass. I mean anyone can go out and spend $20 on a costume but to go out and craft together something, I mean come on, there should be points for that. I sewed a skirt from scratch BY HAND for my kid - THE PROP - how could that not be awesomely winsome? One of the three finishers was homemade and it was kind of a good costume. Maybe you couldn't see the seems and maybe it was even bedazzled. I don't like the dog so much, but the costume was fair and I can swallow losing it to it. Actually I can't. I am bitter about the whole thing. Not sure quite what that says about me ... other than my sewing skills are so sub-par that they killed Dogbert's Halloween victory!
The Big Bad Wolf à la Grandma was PISSED!
Actually she wasn't. Or rather, she was pissed that we wouldn't stay and let her play with the other dogs after her disappointing finish. My poor Baby Girl, she was a loooooser. And, she lost to two store bought costumes which just burns my ass. I mean anyone can go out and spend $20 on a costume but to go out and craft together something, I mean come on, there should be points for that. I sewed a skirt from scratch BY HAND for my kid - THE PROP - how could that not be awesomely winsome? One of the three finishers was homemade and it was kind of a good costume. Maybe you couldn't see the seems and maybe it was even bedazzled. I don't like the dog so much, but the costume was fair and I can swallow losing it to it. Actually I can't. I am bitter about the whole thing. Not sure quite what that says about me ... other than my sewing skills are so sub-par that they killed Dogbert's Halloween victory!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
A Handbasket, Por Favor
We have a new computer keyboard and it SUCKS. The side command keys - I just made up that term - the "home," "end," "delete," etc. - are in the wrong places and it keeps fucking me up. That isn't why I haven't posted in the last decade, but it contributed. Sorta. Well, not at all really. But it is annoying me now and I wanted to bitch. I am entitled as I have been up since 4:30 a.m. with a sick kid.
I actually have a few posts percolating in my brain (Ten Things I Have Said to My Charles Schwab Account in the Last Month: unrealized loss my ass! That shit is REALIZED! ... Baby Socks, quick to knit, fun to show off, impossible to photograph while on said baby ... How did I become the hippie granola freak making my own baby food? ... and so on) but I have something to tell you right now dear internet ...
Halloween is HERE. Well, more importantly in this neck of the woods ... Dogbert's Halloween party is here. In mere hours (and have I mentioned I have had NO SLEEP??). As you may recall, Halloween is big in these parts. The pressure was on this year to think of a good costume and well, I came up empty. The original plan, as lame as it could be, was for Dogbert to be Little Red Riding Hood and Lady Bean to be the Big Bad Wolf. Though I am all about making Dogbert's costume from scratch, I think doing the same for a 6.5 month old is ridonculous. So, I went off to find any black fuzzy animal that I could cram my somewhat over-sized kid in. I planned to take some liberties with the wolf thing ... dog, cat, wolf, she's six and a half months old lay off. Right? Wrong. There was not black furry animal costume to be found. The best I could find was a cow. At one point the Big Bad Cow seemed funny. Last night, the night before the contest, the Big Bad Cow was just LAME. So in a fit of domestic insanity, or just plain ole insanity, I hand stitched Lady Bean a red gingham skirt from the material that was going to go in the dog's LRRH basket. Yes, Lady Bean can be Little Red Riding Hood (with glazed over eyes and snot everywhere) and I AM FUCKING NUTS. Mind you, this skirt would get laughed off the runway on Project Runway - no hem - noticeable seemage - terrible craftsmanship - but still ... I AM FUCKING NUTS. The dog is going to be the Big Bad Wolf dressed as grandma. This is either an awesome idea or I was delirious after staying up with a sick kid. We'll see what happens. The contest, normally held at the doggie daycare place, is being held at an Alzheimer's home, so it's not as if the majority of the audience will remember if we totally suck it. I think I am going to Hell after that last statement. Right there is no Hell. Whew.
I actually have a few posts percolating in my brain (Ten Things I Have Said to My Charles Schwab Account in the Last Month: unrealized loss my ass! That shit is REALIZED! ... Baby Socks, quick to knit, fun to show off, impossible to photograph while on said baby ... How did I become the hippie granola freak making my own baby food? ... and so on) but I have something to tell you right now dear internet ...
Halloween is HERE. Well, more importantly in this neck of the woods ... Dogbert's Halloween party is here. In mere hours (and have I mentioned I have had NO SLEEP??). As you may recall, Halloween is big in these parts. The pressure was on this year to think of a good costume and well, I came up empty. The original plan, as lame as it could be, was for Dogbert to be Little Red Riding Hood and Lady Bean to be the Big Bad Wolf. Though I am all about making Dogbert's costume from scratch, I think doing the same for a 6.5 month old is ridonculous. So, I went off to find any black fuzzy animal that I could cram my somewhat over-sized kid in. I planned to take some liberties with the wolf thing ... dog, cat, wolf, she's six and a half months old lay off. Right? Wrong. There was not black furry animal costume to be found. The best I could find was a cow. At one point the Big Bad Cow seemed funny. Last night, the night before the contest, the Big Bad Cow was just LAME. So in a fit of domestic insanity, or just plain ole insanity, I hand stitched Lady Bean a red gingham skirt from the material that was going to go in the dog's LRRH basket. Yes, Lady Bean can be Little Red Riding Hood (with glazed over eyes and snot everywhere) and I AM FUCKING NUTS. Mind you, this skirt would get laughed off the runway on Project Runway - no hem - noticeable seemage - terrible craftsmanship - but still ... I AM FUCKING NUTS. The dog is going to be the Big Bad Wolf dressed as grandma. This is either an awesome idea or I was delirious after staying up with a sick kid. We'll see what happens. The contest, normally held at the doggie daycare place, is being held at an Alzheimer's home, so it's not as if the majority of the audience will remember if we totally suck it. I think I am going to Hell after that last statement. Right there is no Hell. Whew.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Trying
I'm on my phone ... trying to blog. I'm not sure if this will work and since Boo is on the computer for work (i.e. reading porn), I can't check.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sorry
Dear Blog:
I'm sorry I've been neglecting you. Mommyhood has been keeping me busy, but I do have a few things to share. Give me a day or two. There is horrible poop, threats of bodily harm, and progress and anti-progress on the Bee Fields shawl!
Love you,
SPR
I'm sorry I've been neglecting you. Mommyhood has been keeping me busy, but I do have a few things to share. Give me a day or two. There is horrible poop, threats of bodily harm, and progress and anti-progress on the Bee Fields shawl!
Love you,
SPR
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